Captain Digital

Random musings on politics, society, and pop culture from the Internet's marketing curmudgeon.

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common sense

Resolutions.

I hate resolutions. You either want to do something or you don’t. I see no reason to wait for some arbitrary and capricious date to make some life-changing decision or to implement some behavior. However, as tradition and public opinion are decidedly against me, here are my resolutions:

  • I resolve to eat less and work out more.
  • I resolve to work smarter and not harder. 
  • I resolve to take as much pressure off my wife as possible. 
  • I will try to be  less sarcastic and more understanding.
  • I will try to be more efficient, and…
  • I resolve to stop making stupid lists, resolutions I likely won’t keep, and making resolutions just because it’s expected of me. 

Or not.

Billboard logic.

I was driving down the street here in Amarillo (Centrally Located Between Two Oceans!™) the other day, and spied a billboard for the U.S. Border Patrol. The board promised an exciting career in law enforcement keeping our borders safe for legal immigrants and travelers, and keeping the illegal aliens out.

Pause with me for a nanosecond, and let’s consider what they’re asking. [Read more…] about Billboard logic.

Merry ChristmaKwanzakaFestiMas?

Look. I’ve had enough. The politically correct crowd, the rabid atheists, and the secular progressives can all go hang themselves. Here’s the deal: Christmas is, by its very definition, a CHRISTIAN holiday. Period.

The word “Christmas” comes from “Christ Mass” – the sacrament of Holy Communion, said to celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ. No more. No less. In the intervening years since Christ walked the Earth, many traditions regarding this celbration have arisen. Some are appropriate. Some less so. (For those that insist that Christ would not approve of celebrating His birth at all, I wonder just how thrilled Jesus really is, to see the instrument of his torture and death celebrated as his own symbol. I mean, I get the “triumph over death” idea, but seriously…if you’d been put to as painful a death as could be imagined, I’m pretty sure you’d have at least an involuntary twitch every time you saw a cross. But, I digress…) [Read more…] about Merry ChristmaKwanzakaFestiMas?

Flying blind…

I recently (four days ago, to be exact) updated the software this blog runs on, to the latest and greatest version – i.e., WordPress v.2.7. The upgrade was surprisingly easy to do, and by all appearances, went off without a hitch. Um…ALMOST without a hitch. Seems that one of the things that got trashed along the way was the settings for my Google Analytics code. Whoops.

I usually check my GA stats on a daily basis, just to see what’s going on. Check more often, and it will drive you nuts. Less frequently, and you stand to miss a trend…or a problem.

It had been four days since I’d checked my GA account. Color me “surprised” to learn that I’d (according to GA) gone from a significant readership to ZERO hits for the last four days. That’s like going from 60 to zero in, oh, about 0.0 seconds.

Once I saw the stats, I knew something was wrong. I dialed up the New! Improved! control panel, and found that my GA settings were pooched. No code – no tracking. No tracking – no results. No results – unhappy blogger.

I’ve restored the tracking code, and all should be right in my world.

But I’ll keep checking. As Joe Bob Briggs (Drive-In Movie Critic of Grapevine, Texas) says, “Without eternal vigilance, it can happen here.”

The following post is closed-captioned…

…for the thinking-impaired. 

DATELINE: WASHINGTON D.C.: Today the President [who is suddenly worried about his ‘legacy’] announced that the [lame duck] Administration has put together a plan to give GM and Chrysler a loan [throwing bad money after good] of 17 Billion Dollars [further devaluing our currency and likely triggering inflation on a scale not seen since Carter and the 1970’s] to help them avoid bankruptcy [which, paradoxically is the only thing that would save them from annihilation]. The plan calls for the companies to submit a turn-around plan [which won’t work without bankruptcy] by March 31st [long after Bush is gone, and it’s Obama’s problem], or they will have to give the money back [as if they’d have anything left, at the rate they’re bleeding red ink]. United Auto Workers head [bully] Ron Gettlefinger immediately stated that the Bush plan was unworkable, and had far too many restrictions [that might result in the UAW having to accept salary and benefit cuts]. Gettlefinger offered that they would immediately demand that the Obama Administration rewrite the plan to remove the offending restrictions [and thus keep Gettlefinger’s job safe, and force the Big Three to continue to dance to organized labor’s tune].

Here’s the truth, people. The Big Three will not be able to avoid bankruptcy, sooner or later. The union will not allow any kind of meaningful compromise. Gettlefinger doesn’t get it – times have changed. There’s a healthy automotive industry in the USA. Just not in Detroit – and it’s one his union has nothing to do with. The 800 pound gorilla in the room that nobody – Republican OR Democrat – wants to acknowledge is that the only way to save the Big Three is to kill the union. Without the union contracts, union pension plan and union health plan, they can survive. With them, there’s no way to make it work. Period. [Read more…] about The following post is closed-captioned…

Happy Holly-Dazed.

Went out shoppin’ with the fam’ tonight. First time this holiday season. Being in Amarillo, traffic wasn’t that bad (our idea of rush hour is when a Farmer’s combine breaks down on what we laughingly here call the “Loop”…it was a good 12 months after I moved here before I was able to stop laughing maniacally, every time someone mentioned the words “rush hour” locally). Of course, some places are the same the world over. Never been in a Hobby Lobby at any time of day/year, for instance, where there wasn’t a line at every available register. But I digress. [Read more…] about Happy Holly-Dazed.

Governorgate.

I’m I the only one that is watching the situation in Illinois with a sense of 70’s déjà vù? I mean, this is kind of like watching the döppelganger of a famous scandal (that gave us the postfix “-gate”). I was all of 16 years old, between my junior and senior years in high school in 1974. I was at Louisiana Boys’ State, learning about government down in Baton Rouge – the state capitol. They called us into a big hall and had us sit down and get quiet. Nobody told us what was going on, but we knew it was something bad from the solemn looks on all the adult’s faces. Richard Nixon’s voice came on the radio. He announced that he was resigning from the Presidency. 

You could have heard a pin drop. Some 350-odd teenage boys, not breathing, not making a sound. It was history being made, and we all knew it. 

So you see, I have a special connection to Watergate. And I know that those who do not remember history are condemned to repeat it. Let’s see how we’re doing so far: [Read more…] about Governorgate.

G-Rod gets caught red-handed.

NEWS ITEM: Gov. Rod Blagojevich and his chief of staff, John Harris, were arrested today by FBI agents for what U.S. Atty. Patrick Fitzgerald called a “staggering” level of corruption involving pay to play politics in Illinois’ top office.

Blagojevich is accused of a wide-ranging criminal conspiracy, including alleged attempts by the governor to try to sell or trade the U.S. Senate seat left vacant by President-elect Barack Obama in exchange for financial benefits for the governor and his wife. Blagojevich also is accused of obtaining campaign contributions in exchange for other official actions.

FBI agents served a search warrant on his office at the Thompson Center this morning, said Frank Bochte, an FBI spokesman.

Blagojevich was taken into federal custody at his North Side home this morning—one day shy of his 52nd birthday.

Wow. [Read more…] about G-Rod gets caught red-handed.

As scene on TV…

One of the many benefits of having a home office is having a TV on my desk. I keep it tuned to Fox News or the Sirius Classic Jazz channel for most of the day – having either a background of news or jazz suits me just fine. I also have a conveniently-located mute button, in case I need to take a call, work on audio, or if it gets distracting.

This time of year, most companies pushing gifts spend a year’s worth of ad budgets in 30 days or less. Where as before November 2nd we were assaulted with All Political Ads, All The Time, now it’s ads for Omaha Steaks (making me hungry), has-been singers pushing a Greatest Hits album, or the latest and greatest kitchen appliance, each and every one guaranteed to be The Perfect Christmas Gift.

I’m sure you’re as annoyed with this kind of dreck as I am – at least you would be if you left your TV on all day. My vote for the most annoying ad in the Fox News rotation? Christy Lane’s 30 Christmas Classics. [Read more…] about As scene on TV…