This whole “color thing” is getting confusing. We’re being segregated into “white,” “black,” “brown,” and “yellow,” as if that should matter. And “white” is supposed to be racist, because in the past, white people referred to people of color “black,” “brown” and “yellow.” In fact, you’re apparently a racist just for being white. But the Left claims you can’t be a racist if you’re black, brown or yellow which, ironically, sounds pretty racist to me.
So what’s the deal about color? I’m a graphic artist. I mean, if a graphic artist can’t get a handle on this, how will anybody else be able to understand color theory. Let me try to explain…
The country seems to be divided today, into “red” states and “blue” states. The red states are Conservative. The blue states are Liberal. But blue is also the color for police. If you see a “Back the Blue” sticker, it’s to show support for the police, not Liberals. You can argue politics until you’re blue in the face, but if you get really mad, your face is liable to turn not red or blue, but purple.
It’s just as confusing on the other side of the aisle.
Red states are conservative, but red has also historically stood for Communist regimes – the Red Chinese and Russia have an affinity for red. (Perhaps this is why those on the Left – the Media and the Democrats – pardon my redundancy – are seeing red.) Red is also a color associated with firemen, but I don’t see anybody saying “Red Lives Matter.”
Even more confusing, most of the negative comments about police come from Liberals. So I guess you can’t be blue and “Back the Blue.” But being red and backing the blue is A-OK. And Heaven help you if you opine that “Blue Lives Matter.” Apparently, holding that opinion makes you a racist. Which makes you anti-black, although if you say “Blue Lives Matter” at a Black Lives Matter rally, you’re liable to come home black and blue – and not in a good way. Blue laws prohibited alcohol sales on Sunday, but many Southern Baptist pastors will preach a blue streak on Sunday, often about the evils of demon rum. You can be “true blue” and it’s a good thing. But “seeing red” is usually a bad thing. And nobody likes having the blues, but singing or playing the blues is a good thing. Redlining is bad for your car, and it is racist when loaning money for a home. Being in the red is bad for your books, but good if you like rivers, seas, and major league baseball. And calling someone a redskin is politically incorrect, but being a redneck is even more so.
Crayons are even a source of potential racism, if you believe the woke folk. Years ago, Benny & Smith got rid of the “flesh” colored crayon because people complained that not all flesh was “flesh colored.” Then colors began to symbolize particular causes. One enterprising company has released sets of crayons with names like “Privileged” (White), “Me Color You Long Time” (Yellow), “Golden Shower” (Goldenrod), and “Self-Identify Blue” (Red). As you might expect, most of the reviews from the Woke mob have been highly critical, and were highly offended by their products. I own a box. I plan to buy more.
Now you’d think that, if you express an opinion not popular with a particular race and it makes you a “racist,” that expressing a preference for a particular color would make you a “colorist.” But that’s not the case. If you’re good at being a colorist though, you’ll earn a lot of green. (Weirdly, gray hair is a sign of both “age” and “wisdom,” yet millions of women do everything they can to avoid gray hair.) Ironically, many that earn massive amounts of green are often accused of abusing the environment, which is, of course, represented by the color green. So apparently green is the color for schizophrenia, since you can both love green and hate green simultaneously. To make that even more confusing, green is also a color of skin associated with ailments of the stomach, particularly those that lead to vomiting, or as it’s sometimes referred to, a “Technicolor® yawn.”
The other colors aren’t safe, either. Yellow represents both a sunny disposition and cowardice. There’s orange juice and Agent Orange. But don’t call orange juice “O.J.” as that’s likely to stir up talk of racism. Browned and blackened are good when it comes to grilling food, but brown and black people getting pulled over and grilled by the police for being guilty of being…well, brown or black is a terrible thing. It’s supposed to be healthy to get a nice tan on your skin, but you wouldn’t want your mom or dad to tan your hide. Purple was once a color exclusively associated with royalty, but purple prose is associated with soft-core porn.
Health wise, it’s good to be “in the pink,” but those who wear pink at protests are oftentimes militant feminists who will be happy to beat you black and blue. And don’t even get me started on the whole “rainbow” thing, although it is kind of fitting, I guess, that Judy Garland is such a huge gay icon, and her biggest song was about rainbows. When I was a kid, rainbows were said to be a reminder of God’s promise. Today, many people that wear rainbows as a symbol seem to hate God, or at least hate Christians.
We’ve come a long way from the “united colors of Benetton” and the melting pot of the last century, to a world where grown people seek solace in coloring books. Dr. Ben Carson (a noted neurosurgeon and former Trump cabinet member) says that all brains look the same, regardless of the color of their skin. But the Left insists that anyone associated with Trump is evil, because “Orange Man Bad.”
I just don’t get it. Lord knows, I’ve tried, but despite my best attempts to be transparent, I still get accused of being opaque. And don’t ever tell anyone accusing you of being a racist that we should all be color blind. Pity graphic designers, who now look at a color palette much like a Marine looks at a box of grenades missing their pins. That thing could go off, any second.
I don’t know the answer. Color me…confused.
Great play on words while making a point. Loved it.