Flavor of the Month.

Something weird is going on. I can feel it. But I can’t really figure out exactly what…or why. I’m not a big “conspiracy guy.” I’m a believer in Occam’s Razor, and I think it’s nuts to see a conspiracy behind every tree and under every rock. Still, there is something weird happening, and I’d like to know what is the deal, here. I am speaking, of course, about the selection of flavors found in over the counter medicines and oral care products. Here’s what I mean…

A couple of years ago, I read an article about a study researchers completed, regarding flavors in medicines. The study found that cinnamon had some actual, medicinal benefit. Read cinnamon is apparently a breath freshener, and can kill certain types of bacteria that cause bad breath. Suddenly everybody and their cat was offering cinnamon-flavored toothpaste, mouthwash, et cetera. Then, all of a sudden…it was go. It’s hard as Hell to find cinnamon anything on the oral care aisle. Sometimes, I’ll still see Crest in cinnamon flavor, but it’s hard to find. rotsa ruck on anything else.

I get a lot of heartburn. Last year, Alka-Seltzer came out with a chewable thing that worked pretty well. They offered it in Peppermint. Peppermint has long been cited as a substance that can help settle stomaches and aid digestion. I bought some. Good stuff. I went back for more. Now these chewables are only offered in two flavors – mixed fruit (lemon, orange and strawberry) or Strawberry. Not a fan. But this now-you-see-it-now-you-don’t thing is not limited to the Real McCoy products. Nope. The knock-offs slavishly imitate the flavors of the products they ape, not just the products themselves. Walmart’s Equate brand offers…mixed fruit and strawberry flavors. Period.

Cherry is another formerly-popular flavor. Now you’ll find it relegated to the throat lozenge aisle.

So…why? Was there some run on cinnamon futures? Did some kind of blight wipe out all the peppermint plants? Did they even use REAL flavors, or did someone hit the DELTE button and make the ersatz cinnamon, cherry, and peppermint flavors go bye-bye?

If I were a paranoid type (I’m not) I’d wonder if there was some flavoring cartel, maybe on the 150th floor of a skyscraper in New York, where the sit around, deciding the fates of flavors everywhere?  I don’t know. But if Big Flavor does exist, they’re doing nobody a favor by banishing flavors from products on a whim. And you can’t horde the stuff…it all has expiration dates.

Maybe reverse psychology will help. If so, and if anybody’s monitoring my blog, I’m really jonesing for some broccoli flavored toothpaste, and some cauliflower mouthwash. Can’t wait! Really!


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