A Guide to Making Apologies.

Unless you’ve been hiding under a rock, you might have heard about the current troubles of David Letterman, and his serial apologies he’s made regarding the “joke”(s) he told regarding Alaskan Governor Sarah Palin and her daughters. Last night, Letterman made yet again another attempt at contrition. Color me “unimpressed.” You see, when you apologize, there are a couple of things you must do – and at least one that you must not do:

  1. Say “I’m sorry.”
  2. Say “I was wrong.”
  3. Say “It’s my fault…I accept responsibility for the mistake.”
  4. Say “I beg your forgiveness.”
  5. Say “I will do my best to do better, and not make the same mistake again.”
  6. Do NOT say “I’m sorry, but…” and then go on to offer any excuse.

When you offer an excuse, you’re essentially saying “what I did wasn’t that bad,” “it wasn’t really my fault,” or other weasel-words that attempt to deflect responsibility.

The problem with Letterman’s apology was that he continues to try to explain away his actions, by saying things like “I wasn’t joking about Palin’s fourteen-year-old daughter…I was joking about her eighteen-year-old daughter who’s not under-age!” Of course, this misses the point. The “joke” was inappropriate, no matter the age of the subject. I would also argue that it was inappropriate to call Sarah Palin a “slut” – and to slander flight attendants in general.

I don’t care how you spin this – the entire Palin section of the Letterman monologue was inappropriate, to say the least. What Letterman should have said was:

I’m sorry.
I was wrong to do the joke.
It was wrong to make Palin’s daughters the butt of my jokes.
It was wrong to call Palin – and flight attendants – sluts.
It’s my fault that this got on the air.
I apologize to Governor Palin, her husband, her children – especially her two daughters, and anyone else I’ve offended.
I will do my level best not do make the same mistake again.

None of that even begins to deal with the double-standard exhibited by the media – and the networks – when it comes to offensive speech. Think about the uproar over Don Imus remarks about the Duke womens’ basketball team. He was fired – because the Liberal-run CBS found his crass remarks about minorities offensive. Jimmy the Greek Snyder (also from CBS…see a pattern here?) was fired for espousing the opinion that black athletes have been bred to be stronger, faster, and more athletically skilled. You see, when a Liberal is offended by something, no matter the offender, they are fired. When someone offends a Conservative, Liberals do…nothing. If that isn’t a double-standard, I don’t know what is.

You can argue that Letterman is far more important to CBS and their bottom line than was Imus or Snyder. But he’s not irreplaceable (or in LiberalSpeakā„¢, “too big to fail”). I don’t know that one monologue or joke is enough to fire someone. (I’m a conservative…we have a higher burden of proof.) Lest we forget, however, that this is far from Letterman’s first offense. He’s been tasteless, rude, offensive and peformed the function of a liberal hatchet-man for over a decade. While I wouldn’t argue for Letterman’s firing, neither would I shed a tear if he were canned. Personally, I think it’s time that Liberals have a taste of their own medicine, and be forced to live to the same, impossible-high standards with which they constantly judge everyone else. And I won’t apologize for that.

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