In this post-April 15th funk in which we find ourselves every year, I think it’s a useful exercise to speculate on not so much on why we are in the fix we’re in, but to focus on what to do to fix it. Instead of admiring the problem, it’s time for bold solutions. And I stumbled on one this evening. It’s radical. It’s fresh. It’s new. It’s never been even so much as proposed before. And it could work. I propose we shut down Washington.

Now I know what you’re thinking. “This guy’s not been paying attention…the [insert name of the opposition party] just threatened to shut down Washington, and they averted that crisis. And everybody agreed, that would be catastrophic! The End Of The World As We Know It! A death-knell to the economy!” Puh-leeze. But that’s NOT what I’m talking about. At all. Read the rest of this entry »

No, I’m not talking about making a case for owning and iPad 2. Just go pick one up and play with it for a second. These things don’t need a sales pitch. Nope. I’m talking about making a case that will hold one.

I came by my iPad 2 by way of a customer, who sent it to me in order for me to design games and such for him. (I love my job!)

The Apple iPad 2 (as of this writing) still has the “new” on it. The only ‘case’ that’s been released is the Apple-designed cover (which is a pretty cool thing in and of itself). This magnetic (!) cover takes care of protecting the screen while not in use, doubles as a stand, and triples as a screen cleaner. (No word on how to clean the cover, once it’s saturated with finger oils, and at $39 for the ‘cheap’ one, it’s hardly a disposable item.) Read the rest of this entry »

I’m confused. You see, I grew up in a household where a person’s word was their bond. But apparently, I’m mistaken.

I said that very phrase just the other day, and my daughter asked me “what’s a bond?” I explained it as something of value that you put up as collateral, essentially something that you forfeit if you don’t keep your word. I told her about collateral on loans, and explained that the phrase essentially meant that “my word should be good enough for you, because I’m a man of my word.” I’ve always tried to be VERY careful about that with my daughter. I think as parents, it’s way too easy to promise your child something and then not make good on it, for a variety of reasons. I’ve tried to be up-front with my child, and if I can’t honor my promise when I promised to do so, I’ve always let her know, and then made it up to her as soon as I could. Because of that, she trusts me. She believes I will keep my word, because I always do.

You’d be surprised at how many people I talk to who don’t think that’s really that important. Parents who rationalize or excuse things, then turn around and are genuinely surprised when their kids do to them, what they did to their kids.

Promises are important. In the final analysis, they are all we’ve got. We may be a nation of laws, but it’s because we’ve all (or at least most of us have) agreed to obey them. The division between a lawful society and an unlawful, anarchistic one is not the police or the military. It’s our willingess to obey the laws that we’ve set forth for our common good.

It’s kind of like marriage. We take our vows to love, honor and cherish our spouse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, ’til death do us part. You have but to look at the divorce statistics to see how many people take THAT vow seriously. Which is odd, because the vow’s the thing, you see. If you cheat on your spouse, don’t you wonder if turnabout isn’t fair play? Can you really sleep at night, for wondering if the person you traded your spouse for won’t treat you the way you treated your ex?

Yep. Vows are important. Most don’t carry any kind penalty in this world. I’m a believer in Karma and Kismet, so I have a feeling the next world may not be quite so forgiving. But there are some kinds of vows that carry with them penalties in this world. Legal penalties. Criminal and civil penalties.

For instance, when you sign a contract for a home, you’re vowing that you’ll make the payments. Fail to do so, and you’ll lose your home. (Eventually.) Swear in court to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you God, and if you don’t, you can be found in contempt of court, and imprisoned for the crime of perjury. But there’s one kind of vow that is supposed to take precedence over all others. And that’s the vow public servants make when they are sworn into office.

We call these vows an “oath of office.” It means that you swear (usually with your right hand on the Bible) that you will uphold the laws of our Nation, and execute your office to the best of your ability. Here’s an example from our U.S. Constitution:

I do solemnly swear (or affirm) that I will faithfully execute the Office of President of the United States, and will to the best of my ability, preserve, protect and defend the Constitution of the United States.

Every President since George Washington has taken that same oath of office. Frankly, some have lived up to it better than others. We’ve had some great Presidents, and some that were not so great. But to my knowledge, we’ve never had one that has simply refused to uphold a law of the land. Until now.

Barack Obama recently let it be known that the Executive Branch will no longer defend theDefense of Marriage Act, a law passed by Congress and signed into law during the Clinton Administration. Now you may not be aware of this, but our Constitution set forth three branches of government, with three distinctly different roles for each to play.

• The Executive Branch executes the laws of the land.
• The Legislative Branch creates the laws of the land.
• The Judicial Branch rules on the validity of the laws of the land and if people are obeying them.

You’ll notice that these powers are seperate. That’s by design. Congress (the Legislative Branch) doesn’t get to rule on the laws they pass as to their Constitutional validity. The courts (the Judicial Branch) is not supposed to write laws. And the Executive Branch doesn’t get to decide what laws they want to enforce and which ones they want to ignore.

We have a process here, in America. If you don’t like the law, get your elected officials to change it. If the elected officials won’t do it, then vote them out, and get some others in who will obey the will of We the People.

This system has withstood the test of time for over 200 years. That may not sound like a long time, but as governments go, that’s huge. Our Constitution is likea beautifully designed, precision timepiece. You start jacking with the gears and it’s not going to continue to work.

That’s why President Obama’s declaration has just kind of knocked me for a loop. No President has EVER simply said “I don’t like the law, so instead of getting Congress to repeal it, I’m going to direct my Attorney General and the Justice Department to simply refuse to defend it in court.”

So we come back to vows. The President made one, when he took his oath of office. He promised to defend our Constitution. In a larger sense, that means he promised  – he vowed – to uphold the Laws of the United States. That would be ALL the laws. Not just the ones he likes. Remember, the difference between society and chaos is our willingness to obey the laws of the land. When the President decides he doesn’t want to do that, it’s a Really Big Deal.

I’m not an attorney, but I think you could make a pretty good case for Obama being in breach of his contract with the American People. I understand he doesn’t like the law. Great. Change it. Go to Congress, and have some Senators or Representatives write a bill that they can vote on. If it passes, sign it into law. If it’s challenged, defend it in court. Those are your options. You do NOT have the option to simply ignore a law you find unpalatable. By doing so you are violating your oath of office.

When a man swears to tell the truth in court, if he choses to break that vow, it’s called perjury. It’s a criminal offense.

When a President breaks his oath of office, it calls for impeachment, and a trial by the U.S. Senate to remove him from office for failing to fulfill that oath.

So as I see it, we have two choices. We can do allow the President to make up his own rules, or we can hold him to his oath.

Now I know that my Liberal/Progressive friends are all foaming at the mouth by now. I can hear them - Bush Lied…Kids Died! Remember Halliburton! How can you acuse Obama? Bush lied about WMDs! Fine. The time to whine about that was when Bush was in office. He’s not. You missed your chance. And any good debate student will tell you that it does nothing to bolster your position by using the “oh yeah?…well the other guy did bad stuff too!” argument. It just doesn’t fly.

And save your breath if you’re trying to argue that this is a bad law. I don’t happen to believe it is, but the proper way to deal with this would be to light a fire under Congress to change the law if you don’t like it. Turn this around…let’s say in the next election, someone you despise (Sarah Palin comes to mind) gets into office (okay…deep breaths…it’s just a hypothetical…) and she suddenly decides that Roe v. Wade isn’t worth defending. Would you be screaming about her upholding her oath of office then? Sure you would. And you’d be right. Regardless of your beliefs and stance on abortion, Roe v. Wade is the law of the land. If President Palin (love the sound of that) wanted to change the law, she would have to get Congress to pass a law that would override that decision. Then the courts would have to rule on that new law’s Constitutionailty. If she tried to do what Obama’s done, you’d demand her head on a pike. (Okay, you’d do that anyway, but you get my point.) What’s sauce for the goose, is sauce for the gander, people. We don’t have one set of rules for Democrats and another for Republicans.

Here’s the deal. If we are a nation of laws, it’s time for us to expect our elected officials to actually uphold those laws. Period. End of story. If you’re gonna believe in our government, then let it be the government of our founders, the men who created the greatest form of government in human history. Believe in that Constitution. And believe that men should be held accountable for their actions. It’s time to hold our elected officials accountable for the oaths they swore when they entered into public service. To do anything else is to acknowledge that we are NOT a nation of laws, but simply a mob of men.

I text. A lot. There. I’ve admitted it. Text messages are actually pretty useful – especially if used appropriately. Unfortunately, human nature being what it is, and everything, a lot of people check their brains at the car door, and insist on texting whilst driving. Pandemonium ensues. And that’s a bad thing.

Governments, insisting that Something Must Be Done, do their typically heavy-handed thang – they ban texting while driving. But technology could offer a better way to deal with texting on the road, and I’m curious as to why nobody’s figured this out.

I have an iPhone (a phone that elicits much the same passion in me that guns did from Charlton Heston…”from my, cold, dead fingers!”). I have a free program installed on it called “Dragon Dictation.” Pretty cool app. It allows you to dictate anything, then converts the audio automagically to text. Does a pretty good job, too. They’ll even let you paste it into a text message. Cool – as far as it goes. But what’s needed – by Nuance (makers of the Dragon app), Apple, or for pity’s sake SOMEBODY – is a full-blown SMS application that will allow you to speak and send – as well as convert the incoming texts to audio, so you can, well…text without um…texting.

This could be a killer app. Or given the number of accidents caused by texting, maybe the ultimate NON-killing app. And it ought to come with every smartphone. But if it can’t be free, at least it could be advertiser-supported – either with visual ads, or with audio ads (like radio, duh!) that would be limited to, say once every 60 seconds or so (and no longer than 5 seconds, please!).

I my experience, there’s no way to legislate common sense. And if you can find a way to enable people to do what they want, and do it safely without venturing too far out of their comfort zones – it’s bound to work. Wouldn’t it be better to have “voice texting” (vText? vSMS?) than just ban it completely? And besides – most people can’t type worth a warm bucket of spit. I can’t believe speech recognition would make messaging a bigger mess than it is now.

I was born and raised in Louisiana. While my hometown is Shreveport, New Orleans was, is and probably always shall be the center of the Louisiana Universe. When I was but a lad, the state got pro-football fever, when the New Orleans Saints set up shop. I remember hearing that we’d see a Super Bowl trophy Really Soon Now – surely within the first ten years, n’est pas? Nope. Throughout most of the team history, it’s been a story of loss – sometimes snatching defeat from the jaws of victory, sometimes just being bad. Heartbreakingly, astonishingly bad. What other team could generate so much angst and ennui from their own fans that they would hide their faces in shame.
Tonight, all is forgiven.
All that faith, love, and hope has been rewarded tonight with the ultimate prize. Let us celebrate. Let there be merriment in the streets, celebration in the schools, and songs in our hearts. Let the men in black and gold be our standard-bearers, and lead the state proudly.
There is no need to make excuses any longer.
There is no need to put an asterisk beside the state’s listing.
There is no need to apologize.
Tonight the entire state rejoices.
Tonight, New Orleans looks with pride and confidence to the future.
Tonight we are as one – one state with a shared pride.
“Loser”-ania no more, indeed.

Recently, the Supreme Court wisely overturned as unconstitutional the vaunted “McCain/Feingold Campaign Finance Law” that restricted the ability of corporations to make contributions to campaigns.

Why is this a good thing?

First of all, the way the law was written, it tied the hands of business, while giving unions the opportunity to spend with virtually no restrictions. Given that unions (over the last 20 years, anyway) have given over 90% of their contributions to Democrats, this has created a lop-sided playing field. Read the rest of this entry »

Recently, a friend of mine (who usually exhibits a much higher degree of common sense) proposed that we stage a Constitutional Convention for the purposes of throwing out our current form of government and replacing it with a Parliamentary system, much as they have in the UK.

Pause with me for a nanosecond, whilst we ponder just how screamingly bad an idea this would be.

For those of you that slept through 8th grade Civics or Freshman History class, let me provide you with a soupcon of background on the way things evolved over the pond, and you’ll see why I hold this idea with the same esteem that I usually reserve for things I scrape off the bottom of my shoe, Harry Reid, and Nancy Pelosi… Read the rest of this entry »

If you’d asked me three months ago if I’d still be in Shreveport, taking care of my dad, I would have said something like “hie thee to an asylum…you must be mad.” Yet, here I sit.

Taking care of an aging parent is a lot of things – a responsibility. A challenge. A privilege. But a burden it is not. I love my dad, and he needs my help. Unfortunately, It’s played havoc with my family, and for circumstances beyond my control, there’s little I can do about that, at least for now.

If you’re reading this blog, thanks for stopping by. I don’t really have time to post right now – soon, I hope. but let me encourage you to follow me on Twitter (www.twitter.com/captaindigital, natch). Since it’s just 140 characters at a time, and I can do it from my iPhone, I do seem to be able to fit that into my day.

Thanks, and talk to you soon.

- The Captain

I’ve spent the last month or so in the place where I was born and grew up. This evening, I was in a restaurant with my dad and another relative, when my college roommate turned up, dining with his family.

There’s nothing quite like seeing somebody you haven’t seen in over 10 years to bring back a flood of memories.

The weird thing is, he didn’t really look any older.

Then again, aside from a few pounds and few gray hairs, I don’t think I do, either.

The even weirder thing, though, is I’ve recently run into a bunch of people from my past, either in person or online, who fall into one of three categories: Read the rest of this entry »

I was surfing around my Dad’s satellite service last night, and stumbled on a rebroadcast of Blazing Saddles on AMC. Several years ago, I made a list of what I thought were the ten funniest movies ever made (in no particular order). As I recall, the list went something like this, give or take:

• Blazing Saddles (Brooks/Little/Wilder)
• Young Frankenstein (Brooks/Wilder/Feldman)
• Monty Python and the Holy Grail (Monty Python)
• Arsenic & Old Lace (Cary Grant)
• The Producers (Brooks/Mostel/Wilder)
• Animal House (Landis/Belushi)
• A Night at the Opera (Marx Brothers)
• Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead (Stoppard/Oldman/Roth)
• Airplane! (Abrams/Zucker/Abrams)
• Duck Soup (Marx Brothers)

When you watch a great movie, you’re watching a collaborative effort, but one that SOMEbody (usually the director) oversees and marks with his or her creative stamp. In comedies, more so that any other art form, timing is essential. Just one frame (a 24th of a second) can make a recognizable difference in the timing of a joke.

That brings me to the hatchet job AMC did on Blazing Saddles. Read the rest of this entry »