Captain Digital

Random musings on politics, society, and pop culture from the Internet's marketing curmudgeon.

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Politics

Newsbabes.

Patti Ann Browne, Newsbabe.
Patti Ann Browne, Newsbabe.

I’m lucky. I office out of my home, where I have a room set up as my office. I have a flat panel monitor hooked up to my satelite, and the audio routed through some near field audio monitors. It’s a sweet setup, and enables me to keep the news on in the background, all day long. If I get really deep into code, I can turn off the audio, but normally, it’s not a distraction. Even better, I get a screen pop for the home phone’s caller ID, so I can see who’s calling without having to hunt for one of the elusive and frequently AWOL portable phones. I usually keep the satellite tuned to Fox News, as I can keep up with the important news of the day. Since Dish Network FINALLY added Fox Business, I’ve recently begun switching between Fox News and Fox Business. And I’ve recently come to a couple realizations: [Read more…] about Newsbabes.

Random Thoughts.

I have a lot of things on my mind right now – things that don’t necessarily merrit a full blog post, but ideas I’d like to share, nonetheless. So consider this an idea sampler…

Obama IS the second coming of JFK, but not for the reasons the Dems would like to believe. I hear he’s signaled to Russia that he’s willing to put our missile sheild in Europe on the table, in exchange for their “help” with Iran. Um…so we’re going to surrender the one thing that has Putin foaming at the mouth, in exchange for some vague promise from Russia that they won’t continue to aid and abett those Iranian nut-jobs? Good plan. I hope O’s Universal Healthcare covers spinal transpants, ‘cuz it looks like he needs one…

Hey, Congress…The time to read legislation is BEFORE you vote on it. [Read more…] about Random Thoughts.

Recession-(80)Proof.

Adult Beverages, anyone?
Adult Beverages, anyone?

While visiting my father in Shreveport last week, I took time out to have lunch with a friend/former student. I asked him how the “mortgage crisis,” “economic crisis,” and “banking crisis.” He said he’s not really seen any ill-effects. That’s largely due to two factors – first, the recession is not nearly the “crisis” that the ObamaNation would have you believe it is (remember what Rahmbo said, “you don’t want t let a crisis go to waste”), and that my buddy owns a chain of liquor stores.

Beer, wine and distilled spirits are the original recession-proof commodity. Beer is “nature’s off switch” for millions. Tough day at work? Hit the off switch. Need to relax? Off switch. Wanna party? Off switch. Wine is generally thought of as a more sophisticated drink, usually a lubricant for dining. Then there’s the distilled spirits group. If beer is nature’s off switch, then liquor is the go-to beverage for just about any extreme emotion. Lose your job? Get a raise? Bad news? In these situations, beer is for amateurs. Liquor, ounce for ounce, packs more punch for less swallowing. And unlike beer (which comes only in “beer flavor”), you can get hooch in a wide variety of flavors, everything from mouthwash flavors (schnapps) to paint stripper (scotch) to drinks that will blind you in one eye and make you say “arrrggh” a lot (rum). [Read more…] about Recession-(80)Proof.

I Didn’t Watch the Oscars.

The little gold bald guy.
The little gold bald guy.

Couldn’t care less, frankly. Hard for me to get interested in a bunch of self-centered, egotistical, spoiled brats, running around and playing dress-up, slapping each other on the back for how “naughty” and “provocative” they were over the past year. Think of it as a video documentary of detention at an overpriviledged high school, on an afternoon when the entire Drama Club has been nailed for cheating.

However, I digress. Back on Valentine’s Day, I stuck my neck out, and for the first time ever, made Oscar predictions. Today, children, we’ll review my predictions, the actual results, and how well I did.

CATEGORY MY PREDICTION THE WINNER… COMMENTS
Best Picture Slumdog Millionaire Slumdog Millionaire Told ‘ya.
Best Actor Sean Penn for Milk Frank Langella for Frost/Nixon Prooving conclusively that Hollywood’s first allegiance is to gays, second to liberals. I’ll know better next time.
Best Actress Meryl Streep in Doubt Kate Winslet for The Reader Missed this one. But you gotta admit, by my logic, it’s hard to count out the Alar Queen. Don’t know much about Winslet’s politics, but she had that “often a bridesmaid, never a bride” thing going for her.
Best Supporting Actor Heath Ledger in The Dark Knight Heath Ledger in The Dark Knight Told ‘ya. Everybody loves a talent, especially when they tragically assume room temperature before their time.
Best Supporting Actress Penelope Cruz in Vicky Cristina Barcelona A toss-up Okay…I weasled on this one. But seriously…did anybody care?
Best Director Danny Boyle in Slumdog Millionaire Danny Boyle in Slumdog Millionaire Another slam-dunk. No way they’re gonna give Opie an Oscar this year, and they probably still hold a grudge against Gus Van Sant for the remake of Psycho.
Best Original Screenplay Milk Milk Hey…In Bruges lost. I’m happy.
Best Adapted Screenplay Frost/Nixon Slumdog Millionaire A triumph for liberal principles over conservative bashing. Who woulda thunk it?
Best Animated Film WALL•E WALL•E The film with the most progressive theme – humans are evil, and are destroying the planet. Especially those evill Walmart guys. A valentine to the Greenie ecoNazis.

My success rate was 5.5 out of 9 (I’m giving myself a half-point on the Best Supporting Actress), or just under 66%. That’s better odds, by the way, than you’d get from a stockbroker, weatherman, or Vegas handicapper. I think I’m on to something here. In fact, with just a couple of minor tweaks to the way I interpreted the data, I would have gotten 7 or 8 out of 9. Ah well…there’s always next year.

The Crisis President.

The Annointed One
The Annointed One

Every President eventually gets known as the “_________ President.” (Fill in the blank.) Most Presidents start their term wanting to stand for something, and then find that they get pegged with something else. For instance, think back to the days before 9/11. George Bush entered the White House wanting to be knonw as the “Education President.” It’s actually a little soon to know exactly how he’ll be remembered by historians, but right now, I’d vote for the “War on Terror President.” That brings us to the White House’s current occupant…

If I was going to guess about a title for The Big O, it would be “The Crisis President.” Not, mind you, because we’re in bad shape. Quite the contrary – if you look at inflation, unemployment, the stock market, gas prices, et all, Ronald Reagan took office at a time where our country’s situation looked a lot worse. As in much, MUCH worse. But Reagan got tagged as “The Great Communicator” because he both knew how to speak, and because he knew how to make people proud of their country again (after four years of “The Morass President,” Jimmy Carter).  No, I suspect Obama will be known as The Crisis President, because he uses the bloody word in just about every sentence in every address, every time he speaks publicly. [Read more…] about The Crisis President.

The Decline and Fall of the American Family.

Right up front, lemme say that I’m on the side of those that treasure traditional values – family, religion, country…that sort of thing. I’m a huge believer in the sanctity of the family. In fact, I believe that the family answers to God first. I believe that the government is supposed to work for us – not us for them. And I believe that Parents are the ultimate authority (after God) over their kids – not the State.

Unfortunately for all of us, that is directly opposite from the philosophy of our new President and his administration.

Even worse, there’s been a group actively working on softening us all up, in preparation for the Obama administration’s big push towards Socialism. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you…Hollywood. [Read more…] about The Decline and Fall of the American Family.

Shaken. Not Stirred.

Treasury Secretary Tim “I didn’t cheat on my taxes…I just didn’t understand the tax code” Geitner was on the Hill yesterday, waxing semi-eloquent regarding the second half of the bank bailout, a.k.a. “TARP II: When Markets Bite Back.” By all accounts (both liberal and conservative), Geitner’s performance was, at best, underwhelming. He appeared nervous and ill-prepared (note to Tim: the unbuttoned shirt collar under the tie didn’t say “man of action” as much as it said “I’d rather be having a root canal than be here today”). Geitner looked, well…shaken. Congress was not stirred by his performance.

If the Obama administration is going to persist in shoveling this kind of pork at us, they’re going to have to find some much more convincing liars to sell it.

The deal here is that no thinking person believes this “stimulus” bill is about stimulating the economy. Everybody knows that it’s a wish-list of the liberal left, masquerading as stimulus or order to get it passed. Evidently, 30 or 40 years of yearning has the Dems throwing caution to the wind, in order to fund their pet projects. See the problem is, in order to stimulate the economy, it’s necessary to do but two things:

  • Spend less money
  • Reduce taxes

Neither of these strategies holds much appeal to the tax and spend crowd. 800 billion dollars is one HELL of a lot of money, and the real scandal is that over 3/4 of the money won’t see hit the economy until well after the first year. Stimulus, shimulus. It’s all shuck and jive to me.

Here’s my idea of a stimulus plan:

  • Reduce EVERYBODY’S tax rate by 20% for the next year
  • Reduce every department (other than the military’s) budget by 20% for the next year
  • Cut all non-essential spending (National Endowment for the Arts, Mohair research, etc.) by 50%

That’s it. The whole thing. And THAT, ladies and gentlemen, is how you create a stimulus plan that works. To do something like that, it would help to have people that put the public’s interest ahead of their own. Oh, and maybe put somebody in charge of the Treasury Dept. that understands enough about the tax code that he can pay the taxes he owes, and not duck his responsibilities. I can’t see any Democrat doing this, because they are the party of bigger – not smaller – government. There’s not been a Republican since Reagan that had the cojones to even so much as propose this. Pity. We need leaders that will do what works, rather than try and game the system to serve their taste for pork, earmarks, and pet projects. Cut the waste, and the public would grant them a license to thrill.

Why I used to like Garrison Keillor.

G. Keillor - an entertainer who is no longer entertaining
G. Keillor - an entertainer who is no longer entertaining

I love things that are funny. I’m kind of an equal-opportunity fan of humor…I love everything from lowbrow slapstick comedy to very cerebral, sophisticated humor. In 1894, I discovered Garrison Keillor and A Prairie Home Companion. I was enthralled. Here was a show and a writer/comedian who was witty in a very subtle, self-mocking way, that struck a chord in me that had heretofore been silent. I immediately sought out as much as I could find on Keillor – his books, recordings,et cetera . A couple of years later, when I heard he was taking his show on tour, I contacted the show and finagled a trip back to Baton Rouge, so I could see the show, live, and interview Keillor.

During the press conference on that Friday afternoon before the first show, I asked Keillor, “how does it feel to be in the buckle of the Bible Belt?” He looked very thoughtful and quiet, and said, “I’ll have to think about that.” Friday evening, as I sat in the audience, Keillor stepped up to the microphone to begin his monologue and said, “this morning, someone asked ‘what does it feel like to be in the buckle of the Bible Belt?’ That question was also on the mind of Senator K. Thorvalsen…” [Read more…] about Why I used to like Garrison Keillor.

Stimulate Me!

Washington D.C. seems to be obsessed with the idea of stimulating the economy. On the surface, this seems like a noble idea – our economy is in the tank right now, and the sooner we get it moving in the right direction, the better. Unfortunately, looking to Washington to fix our economy is rather like asking some thug that smashed your car window and stole your CDs to repair the car and give it a nice detailing. And putting Congress in charge of writing a bill to allocate funds for economic stimulus is not too different from putting the foxes in charge of the hen house and expecting the hens to thrive and egg production to rise.

Um…no. Don’t think so. [Read more…] about Stimulate Me!