For those of you in the Greater Amarillo/Texas Panhandle area (Centrally Located Between Two Oceans!™), I will be playing at Joe Taco’s restaurant on Friday, from 6:30 to 9 PM, and at Randy’s of Wilderado (on Polk St.) on Saturday, from 6 to 9 PM, and again on Wednesday, as a part of the Noon on the Square series, downtown. I’ll be playing guitar, bass, mandolin, some percussion, and singing. If you’re into acoustic guitars and an eclectic mix of music, we’d love to see you there.
Humor
A shameless plug.
This is a shameless plug for my wife’s company. I say this in the spirit of full disclosure. VectorRight.com sells conservative-themed merchandise (shirts, caps, bumper stickers, etc.) I did the design work for her on the front end, and all the tshirt and bumper sticker designs as well. There’s some free stuff there, too – a bunch of Photoshopped pictures that feature Bill, Hillary, and some other lefties. It’s a completely partisan site – forget “fair and balanced,” unless your idea of fair is that she’s got a site and there are probably a dozen liberal merch sites out there competing with her.
So if you’re in the mood to see some decidely politically INcorrect stuff that trashes the Left (as opposed to what you’re USED to seeing, where the Left trashes the Right but calls it “all in good fun” – go for it. And buy something. I don’t make a dime off it – I did all the work “pro bono” which is Latin for “Honey do” (if you know what I mean, and if you’re a married guy, you do). But in order to perserve a more perfect union (mine) I’d consider it a personal favor if you hit the site, looked around, and found something nice for the Conservatives in your life.
Water, water everywhere.
I like water. I like to drink a lot of it, as it is probably the only thing in my diet that tastes good, is good for me, and has zero calories. (Now if only they can come up with a zero calorie steak…)
Years ago, Robin Williams did a bit that went like, “Ooh…when I wanna blow a buck on a bottle of water, I buy Perrier!” That was back when buying water – any kind of water – seemed pretty stupid, as the stuff that came out of the tap tasted pretty good. I howled. Then I moved to Amarillo.
I don’t know what’s in the water up here, but whatever it is, it tastes foul and evidently fouls up your teeth. We still bathe in it (by necessity), but we’ve taken to buying water by the three-gallon jug, so our teeth won’t fall out. [Read more…] about Water, water everywhere.
Fire.
I live in the Texas Panhandle.
As you may be aware, the Panhandle has been in the news a lot lately, for a series of devestating wildfires that have consumed over 100,000 acres of land. Life here has been pretty strange, lately. My Mother-in-Law’s farm and ranch survived, but they lost some crops and some livestock. The problem? Rain, or to be more specific the lack of it. According to the National Weather Service, we’ve had less than an inch of rain since November of ’05. That puts us squarely in the “draught” category. Not good. Here’s the weird thing, though. Up here, while the fires are headline news, there’s a sense that this is all just part of life in the Panhandle. Weird.
Banking on Intelligence.
My wife is a brilliant woman. One day I was casting about for a creative idea to use as the nucleus of a website demo, and I asked her for some ideas. (I was stumped.) Out of the blue, she said, “why don’t you create a bank for intelligence?”
Wow.
In a flash, the whole thing hit me. It was a “V-8 moment” if ever I had one. [side note: A friend once started to tell me about a sketch he’d seen the night before, watching “In Living Color” with two guys in a phone booth, as the “Homeboy Shopping Network.” He didn’t have to say anything else – I could see/hear the entire routine in my mind’s eye. This was the same kind of experience. [Read more…] about Banking on Intelligence.
Valentines® Day™ (New! Improved!)
Another Valentines Day is upon us. Pardon me whilst I reflect on Valentines Day, commercialism, holidays, and The Meaning Of It All.
I’m not a big “holiday” guy. I like Christmas. Thanksgiving’s okay. I’m partial to Independence Day, since it bookends my birthday. The rest of them seem to be somehow second-tier. Also-rans. Valentines Day was big when I was a kid, as it was an excuse to get hyped up on limitless amounts of candy. Big sugar rush. As I grew older, I realized that Valentines Day (like New Years) was society’s excuse to force you to keep score, relationship-wise. As an adult male, if you were in a serious relationship, Valentines Day is the time you are forced to Be Romantic™ and Do Something Special™ for your significant other. The evil cabal of retailers/media/peer pressure combines to force you to treat this day as sacrosanct. [Read more…] about Valentines® Day™ (New! Improved!)
On Fashion.
Read something this morning in what passes for a newspaper these days. The writer opined that “nude is the new black.” For those of you (as I am) decidedly NOT a member of the fashion cognoscenti, allow me to decode that statement. What they meant to say was “a particular color – in this case ‘nude’ (whatever that is) – will be this year’s favorite color with fashion designers.” What they really mean is “the fashion industry wants you to throw out everything in your closet that they told you was ‘hip’ last year, and buy all new stuff in the new ‘hot’ color.”
Pardon my whilst I laugh my lower posterior region off.
Whither Carpet?
Carpet. What a weird invention. Now take rugs…rugs I understand. Anyone with hardwood floors and freezing weather can instantly see the value of a good area rug. But carpet? Come on…if ever there was an invention where the inventor deserved to burn in Hell for all time, it’s carpet. Allow me to explain…
Carpet is basically a wall-to-wall rug, right? I mean, if a rug covers up part of your floor, why not cover up all of your floor, huh? I’ll tell you why, bunkie. It’s because you can’t roll up a carpet and haul it out of the house to get all the dust, dirt, bugs, and other assorted crap out of it. THAT’S why.
Timing.
I’m supposed to be writing about marketing today, so here goes…
I’ve got this great Aggie joke, see, but it’s hard to tell. You have to help me out. I’m going to write it out in dialog, but you have to understand some writing conventions to “get” the joke. The important one is this. If you have two people talking, when one character stops in mid-word and the other starts immediately below that, you have to imagine that the second person is cutting off the first. Okay. Here goes…
What’s Funny?
There’s a lot of things I find funny that other people don’t. I have, admittedly, a somewhat warped sense of humor. One thing I find funny are jokes that make you think. For instance, my favorite PETA-hater joke:
"A baby seal walks into a club…
(That’s the whole joke. Get it?)
Anyway…someone reminded me of this one. It’s a visual joke, so you’ll just have to see it. Scroll down to see the card, then click on it to turn it over.