Captain Digital

Random musings on politics, society, and pop culture from the Internet's marketing curmudgeon.

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Humor

Scouting Today.

Hello, and we’d like to welcome you to this emergency meeting of the Kiowa Council of the Boy Scouts of America. As the Chairman of your Equality Compliance Committee, I’ve been charged with overseeing the transition of our organization into one that will be a model of politically-correct thought for the new millennium. As you might expect, there are a lot of changes in store for the Scouts. I’m sure you’ve heard rumors. We’ll I’m here to put all those rumors to rest. We have a crack team of experts on ethics, working ’round the clock to insure that we move to the cutting edge of correct thought. [Read more…] about Scouting Today.

Tech-nopia.

While it’s impossible to have a well-balanced perspective on anything when you’re sitting in the middle of it, it’s hard not to think that we are living in a “Golden Age” for Technology. Think about it. Within my lifetime, I’ve seen the following items appear and become ubiquitous – part of the fabric of our lives (in no particular order): [Read more…] about Tech-nopia.

Underwood For President.

So I’ve finally run out of House of Cards (season 3) episodes. (Some shows I binge-watch. House of Cards, I savor like a fine wine.) And the ending was (as expected) another cliffhanger.

I’m going to be somewhat obtuse here, because I don’t want to spoil the show for those who are watching (or plan to) but haven’t gotten to the final episode of this season. However, I will tell you (which is no more or no less that you can get from the episode descriptions on Netflix) that the relationship between Frank Underwood (Kevin Spacey) and Claire Underwood (Robin Wright) is strained to the breaking point. What’s more interesting is why… [Read more…] about Underwood For President.

See Obama. See Obama Run. And Run. And Run…

I cut my teeth on books like the McGuffy Reader. The Adventures of Dick and Jane were for the slow kids. But while I kind of leapfrogged most of the really little kids’ books, I made it a point to read to my daughter from the time she was born until the time she grew too old for me to entertain her with a bedtime story.

Today, kids’ books are increasingly politically-correct. And because so much of the publishing world leans left, increasingly politicized and polarized. Today, a trending topic on Twitter was #obamakidsbooks. Here are a selection of the better titles – ones that I hope and pray will never make it into print:

  • One Fish, Two Fish, Your Fish is My Fish
  • Fast and Furious George
  • The Indian in the Cupbord is Elizabeth Warren
  • Little Barack Scambo
  • The Little Engine That Couldn’t Without Federal Assistance.
  • My Little Crony
  • Heather Has Two Mommies Without Jobs
  • Solynderella
  • Green Jobs and Scams
  • Obama and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Presidency
  • OH, The Debt You’ll Owe!
  • The Bain Mutiny
  • Oh, The Places Michelle Obama Will Go!
  • Green Lies and Scams
  • The Sisterhood of the Traveling Mom-Jeans
  • Are You There, Marx? It’s Me, Barack
  • Cloudy With a Chance of Foodstamps
  • The Taking Tree
  • Fun WIth Dick and Jane Living Under a Bridge
  • Harry Potter and the President’s Stoned
  • False Expectations
  • Where In the World are the Obamas
  • Goodnight, Democracy
  • LIttle Underwater House on the Prairie
  • Where the Taxing Things Are
  • Where the Red Ink Grows
  • Are You My Big Brother?
  • The Lying, The Witch and the War Chest
  • War on Little Women
  • Charlie and the Solar Panel Factory
  • SEIU and the Purple Crayon
  • Where the Sidewalk Ends (and other shovel-ready projects)
Now THAT’S Comedy

 

 


Are Progressives Schizophrenic?

I’m at an age where I value consistency. I view it as the opposite of hypocrisy. Now keep in mind, hypocrisy is an Equal Opportunity Destroyer – it strikes both Liberal and Conservative alike, with an equanimity only dreamt of by the EEOC. For every political scandal on the Left, I can cite you chapter and verse of one on the Right. But there’s one huge difference between the Left and the Right, when dealing with hypocrisy. Those on the Right tend to vilify those on the Left AND the Right, when they are caught, red-handed. Those on the Left seem to excuse the behavior of those on Team Lefty, while excoriating those on the Right. This requires some fairly impressive mental gymnastics on their part, with some contortions that would put Nadia Comaneci in traction. To wit… [Read more…] about Are Progressives Schizophrenic?

There’s humor in all things. (Unless you’re a Liberal.)

So I’m innocently blogging along over on Facebook (http://facebook.com/captaindigital and http://facebook.com/captaindigitalspeaks) when I happen to post a funny story I heard from a fellow Conservative. Six or so friends of generally right-leaning viewpoints thought it was a howl. But one, ultra-left wing person of my acquaintance unloaded on me like a B-17 Flying Fortress over Dresden – with about as much tact. He resorted to the typical Liberal tactics (name-calling, Judas-goats, hyperbole, and other assorted nonsense) and ranted about how Conservatives are all wingnuts and idiots. (Somebody get this guy a mirror. Please.) But it occurred to me that there’s a fundamental inequality here – Conservatives can find the humor in a Jon Stewart or Stephen Colbert (most of the time), even when they poke fun at Conservatives. But Liberals seem uniformly incapable of reciprocity. Why is that?  [Read more…] about There’s humor in all things. (Unless you’re a Liberal.)

Scattershootin’ Fridays…

NEWS ITEM: Keith Olbermann was fired today from his gig with CurrentTV. Yep. AlGore fired the Keithanator. Never heard of CurrentTV? Neither has anybody else other than the half-dozen left-wingnuts that watch it. But don’t feel too badly for them. Gore’s hired Former N.Y. Gov. Elliot Spitzer as his replacement. Rumored first guest: Former U.S. Rep. Anthony Weiner (D-NY). Lord knows what they’ll talk about…

NEWS ITEM: This week, the Little Rock Airport Authority announced plans to rename their airport to “The Bill and Hillary Clinton National Airport.” The media immediately nicknamed the airport the “Hill-Billy National.” In other news, the airport announced plans for a walk-in humidor, which is curious, since the airport is a designated no-smoking area.

NEWS ITEM: Vice President Joe Biden today called for a “Global Tax,” since he believes the world just doesn’t pay enough in taxes. In a related item, the stock price of pharmaceutical companies that manufacture anti-psychotic drugs fell today, on reports of lower earnings.

 

Parliament Bunk-adelic.

Recently, a friend of mine (who usually exhibits a much higher degree of common sense) proposed that we stage a Constitutional Convention for the purposes of throwing out our current form of government and replacing it with a Parliamentary system, much as they have in the UK.

Pause with me for a nanosecond, whilst we ponder just how screamingly bad an idea this would be.

For those of you that slept through 8th grade Civics or Freshman History class, let me provide you with a soupcon of background on the way things evolved over the pond, and you’ll see why I hold this idea with the same esteem that I usually reserve for things I scrape off the bottom of my shoe, Harry Reid, and Nancy Pelosi… [Read more…] about Parliament Bunk-adelic.