Captain Digital

Random musings on politics, society, and pop culture from the Internet's marketing curmudgeon.

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Entertainment

Parliament Bunk-adelic.

Recently, a friend of mine (who usually exhibits a much higher degree of common sense) proposed that we stage a Constitutional Convention for the purposes of throwing out our current form of government and replacing it with a Parliamentary system, much as they have in the UK.

Pause with me for a nanosecond, whilst we ponder just how screamingly bad an idea this would be.

For those of you that slept through 8th grade Civics or Freshman History class, let me provide you with a soupcon of background on the way things evolved over the pond, and you’ll see why I hold this idea with the same esteem that I usually reserve for things I scrape off the bottom of my shoe, Harry Reid, and Nancy Pelosi… [Read more…] about Parliament Bunk-adelic.

The King of Pop Dies.

Michael Jackson, then and now
Michael Jackson, then and now

The King of Pop is Dead. I don’t know of anybody that is really surprised. Think of any other celebrity (except Amy Winehouse) and you’d at least register a blip on the emotional surprise meter. Not here.

Jackson was talented. He was also, obviously a tortured soul, regardless of the reason. From my experience in show business, being a child star is a tough road to travel. Being a child star in what has widely been reported as a dysfunctional family, then add all the pressures of superstardom, and throw in a bizarre addiction to plastic surgery, and you have formula for an unhappy life and a premature death. [Read more…] about The King of Pop Dies.

Thoughts on Farrah Fawcett.

I never met her. Although, my family has some close friends that lived next door to her, when she was growing up in Houston. They said they could get her autograph for me. I laughed…it was during her reign on Charlies’ Angels, and I could have cared less about an autograph.

What I wanted was a date.

She was out of my league. Okay…waaaaaaaaay out of my league. At the time, she was already an item with Lee “The Six Million Dollar Man” Majors, and she was 10 years older than I was. None of that stopped me, and thousands of other guys just like me, from wishing we had a shot with Farrah. [Read more…] about Thoughts on Farrah Fawcett.

Perception v. Reality: Guns & States Rights

As you might have already heard, several states’ legislatures have passed – or are in the process of passing – laws that (re)assert states rights for guns that are manufactured, sold, and used within their respective states. Conventional wisdom is that these laws are going through in order to provide test cases that will come before the Supreme Court in order to decide a fundamental question: does the Federal Government have the  right to pass and enforce laws, flying in the face of the 10th Amendment.

I fervently hope that these cases get to the Supremes, and that the States Rights side prevails. We could be looking at the undoing of roughly 80 years worth of progressive laws that have upset the delicate balance between the Federal government and the “Several States.”

All that notwithstanding, the states that are passing/have passed these laws made me stop and ponder for a different reason. For instance, the first state to pass such a law was…Montana. Not to take away anything from Big Sky country, but Montana isn’t exactly (forgive me) number one with a bullet on my list of states where gun manufacturers ply their trade. Matter of fact, I was under the impression that most gun manufacturers were located in Illinois. Turns out, I was wrong. [Read more…] about Perception v. Reality: Guns & States Rights

Beauty is their Bidness.

In my salad days, I played a bunch of beauty paegants. As a pit orchestra drummer, you get a unique perspective on pageants, much like you do when you get to see a magician’s act from behind the curtain. As an arranger/composer/orchestrator, my father got a good bit of pageant work, too. He did arrangements for some high-profile contestants, the biggest of which was Miss Louisiana, Anita Whittaker, who placed in the top five of the Miss America pageant. So when I talk about pageants, I’m not simply doing the armchair quarterback thing – I’ve been there and done that. [Read more…] about Beauty is their Bidness.

Barney (the less than) Frank.

There are a couple of things that just drive me absolutely nuts. Boredom. Laziness. Lying. And number one with a bullet on my hit list of things I hate: weaselness. I define “weaselness” as a behavior where the weasel in question acts in a way so as to make life easier for themselves at the expense of the rest of the world, usually by twisting the truth beyond recognition, ducking responsibility, and blamestorming.

Barney Frank is a weasel. [Read more…] about Barney (the less than) Frank.

Newsbabes.

Patti Ann Browne, Newsbabe.
Patti Ann Browne, Newsbabe.

I’m lucky. I office out of my home, where I have a room set up as my office. I have a flat panel monitor hooked up to my satelite, and the audio routed through some near field audio monitors. It’s a sweet setup, and enables me to keep the news on in the background, all day long. If I get really deep into code, I can turn off the audio, but normally, it’s not a distraction. Even better, I get a screen pop for the home phone’s caller ID, so I can see who’s calling without having to hunt for one of the elusive and frequently AWOL portable phones. I usually keep the satellite tuned to Fox News, as I can keep up with the important news of the day. Since Dish Network FINALLY added Fox Business, I’ve recently begun switching between Fox News and Fox Business. And I’ve recently come to a couple realizations: [Read more…] about Newsbabes.

Random Thoughts.

I have a lot of things on my mind right now – things that don’t necessarily merrit a full blog post, but ideas I’d like to share, nonetheless. So consider this an idea sampler…

Obama IS the second coming of JFK, but not for the reasons the Dems would like to believe. I hear he’s signaled to Russia that he’s willing to put our missile sheild in Europe on the table, in exchange for their “help” with Iran. Um…so we’re going to surrender the one thing that has Putin foaming at the mouth, in exchange for some vague promise from Russia that they won’t continue to aid and abett those Iranian nut-jobs? Good plan. I hope O’s Universal Healthcare covers spinal transpants, ‘cuz it looks like he needs one…

Hey, Congress…The time to read legislation is BEFORE you vote on it. [Read more…] about Random Thoughts.

Happy Birthday, Kiddo.

My daughter turned 11 today. That’s 11-going-on-22, for those of you keeping count. She is my primary source of constant amazement. I am perpetually blown away by how grown-up she is, how articulate, how smart, how funny, and how sweet she is. Every now and then, she’ll do something that reminds me that she’s actually still a kid, and not an adult. But more often than not, she makes me think that there’s an adult inside there, wearing a kid suit.

We’re doing the birthday party thing today – schoolmates, cake, movie, popcorn, et cetera. Not much time to write. But I’d be remiss if I didn’t brag on her a bit, and wish her the Best Birthday Ever.

You go, girl.

I Didn’t Watch the Oscars.

The little gold bald guy.
The little gold bald guy.

Couldn’t care less, frankly. Hard for me to get interested in a bunch of self-centered, egotistical, spoiled brats, running around and playing dress-up, slapping each other on the back for how “naughty” and “provocative” they were over the past year. Think of it as a video documentary of detention at an overpriviledged high school, on an afternoon when the entire Drama Club has been nailed for cheating.

However, I digress. Back on Valentine’s Day, I stuck my neck out, and for the first time ever, made Oscar predictions. Today, children, we’ll review my predictions, the actual results, and how well I did.

CATEGORY MY PREDICTION THE WINNER… COMMENTS
Best Picture Slumdog Millionaire Slumdog Millionaire Told ‘ya.
Best Actor Sean Penn for Milk Frank Langella for Frost/Nixon Prooving conclusively that Hollywood’s first allegiance is to gays, second to liberals. I’ll know better next time.
Best Actress Meryl Streep in Doubt Kate Winslet for The Reader Missed this one. But you gotta admit, by my logic, it’s hard to count out the Alar Queen. Don’t know much about Winslet’s politics, but she had that “often a bridesmaid, never a bride” thing going for her.
Best Supporting Actor Heath Ledger in The Dark Knight Heath Ledger in The Dark Knight Told ‘ya. Everybody loves a talent, especially when they tragically assume room temperature before their time.
Best Supporting Actress Penelope Cruz in Vicky Cristina Barcelona A toss-up Okay…I weasled on this one. But seriously…did anybody care?
Best Director Danny Boyle in Slumdog Millionaire Danny Boyle in Slumdog Millionaire Another slam-dunk. No way they’re gonna give Opie an Oscar this year, and they probably still hold a grudge against Gus Van Sant for the remake of Psycho.
Best Original Screenplay Milk Milk Hey…In Bruges lost. I’m happy.
Best Adapted Screenplay Frost/Nixon Slumdog Millionaire A triumph for liberal principles over conservative bashing. Who woulda thunk it?
Best Animated Film WALL•E WALL•E The film with the most progressive theme – humans are evil, and are destroying the planet. Especially those evill Walmart guys. A valentine to the Greenie ecoNazis.

My success rate was 5.5 out of 9 (I’m giving myself a half-point on the Best Supporting Actress), or just under 66%. That’s better odds, by the way, than you’d get from a stockbroker, weatherman, or Vegas handicapper. I think I’m on to something here. In fact, with just a couple of minor tweaks to the way I interpreted the data, I would have gotten 7 or 8 out of 9. Ah well…there’s always next year.