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Random musings on politics, society, and pop culture from the Internet's marketing curmudgeon.

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Current Events, Society & the Law

Power Grab.

Back before alcohol ads were regulated to death by the federal government, one beer maker, Schlitz, used the tag line “You only go around once in life, so you’ve got to grab for all the gusto you can get.” The message was clear: you get one shot at things, so don’t waste time with half-measures – don’t ask permission, at worst, beg forgiveness. Evidently, The Chosen One has taken these words to heart in more ways than one, and has decided to implement this slogan as his modus operandi for the rest of his term in office. Hence, his comments yesterday regarding the Supreme Court. [Read more…] about Power Grab.

Whither (Miss?) Canada?

Okay. I’m gonna wade right into the middle of this minefield, fully aware that I’m liable to tick a lot of people off. If you haven’t heard, the Donald Trump-owned Miss Universe organization learned that Miss Canada, one Jenna Talackova, was barred from competing for the Miss Universe title by virtue of having been born a man instead of a woman.

Ahem.

Okay, there are so many ways to go with this story, I hardly know where to begin. First of all, lemme say that it is a sick, sad sign of our times when a pageant has to include in its rulebook that contestants must meet the legal requirements of being an actual, you know… WOMAN. Things were so simple when I was a kid. We turned on the TV, and if someone was in a dress and had breasts, they were a woman. (Okay, they could have been Milton Berle, but I don’t think he fooled anybody.) Sure there were drag acts way back when, but I don’t recall a case where a guy decided to switch operating systems, as it were, and then decide to enter a beauty pageant contest as a woman. Now I understand “Jenna” entered an earlier contest for “transgendered” individuals, so it’s not like this should have come as a big surprise to our neighbors in the Great White North. And looking at pics of Talakova, I can understand the confusion. She looks like a woman. But I can’t blame the pageant officials either. I mean, who in the Hell would think to run DNA tests on contestants to make sure they’re really women. (Okay, I know, I know. East Germany women’s weight lifters. But still…) [Read more…] about Whither (Miss?) Canada?

Scattershootin’ Fridays…

NEWS ITEM: Keith Olbermann was fired today from his gig with CurrentTV. Yep. AlGore fired the Keithanator. Never heard of CurrentTV? Neither has anybody else other than the half-dozen left-wingnuts that watch it. But don’t feel too badly for them. Gore’s hired Former N.Y. Gov. Elliot Spitzer as his replacement. Rumored first guest: Former U.S. Rep. Anthony Weiner (D-NY). Lord knows what they’ll talk about…

NEWS ITEM: This week, the Little Rock Airport Authority announced plans to rename their airport to “The Bill and Hillary Clinton National Airport.” The media immediately nicknamed the airport the “Hill-Billy National.” In other news, the airport announced plans for a walk-in humidor, which is curious, since the airport is a designated no-smoking area.

NEWS ITEM: Vice President Joe Biden today called for a “Global Tax,” since he believes the world just doesn’t pay enough in taxes. In a related item, the stock price of pharmaceutical companies that manufacture anti-psychotic drugs fell today, on reports of lower earnings.

 

How well do YOU know the Constitution?

The Constitution is much in the news lately. And with good reason. It is – or it’s supposed to be – the supreme law of the land. You can’t get more basic around here than the rights guaranteed in the U.S. Constitution. But from laws in Chicago, NYC and D.C. that attempt to abridge our rights to self-defense, to the Congressional overreach that is the “Individual Mandate” of ObamaCare, the Constitution is under attack. From where I sit, there’s a vast majority of Americans that don’t have a clue as to what’s actually IN the Constitution. That’s bad, because you can’t appreciate what you’ve got there – or why it’s so precious to preserve – if you don’t know what’s in it. Hillsdale College is the only 4-year institution of higher learning in the country that takes NO money from the Federal government, and is therefore able to teach without interference from Uncle Sam. They require ALL incoming Freshmen to take a course on the Constitution as a prerequisite for attending the school. They are currently offering a FREE course on the Constitution to the general public. I’m gonna take it, because I believe you can never know too much about our laws. But if you’re not convinced you need to know more about our Constitution yourself, here’s a little quiz they offer to test your knowledge.

Arguing with Progressives.

I have to confess. I’ve broken one of my Lenten vows. I promised to give up Liberals for Lent. Forgive me, Lord for I have backslid. Tonight, I got into a protracted argument about ObamaCare. It started innocently enough. I made some of what I thought would be helpful suggestions as to where we might move on from here (see my previous post on ObamaCare). It was, apparently, like waving a red flag in front of an entire herd of angry bulls. I use that analogy advisedly, for they had the ability to comprehend points of law analogous to bovines, they were full of the same kind of by-product found in pastures where bulls frolic, and their command of the English language was peppered with invectives that are reminiscent of words beginning with the prefix “bull_.” I got to thinking about how best to deal with them, and I realized it was a fool’s errand. A battle of wits with unarmed combatants. Now normally, that can amuse. Granted, there’s not much more sport in it than you’d find in shooting unarmed ducks in a rather small barrel. Still. But this group was collectively so hidebound by dogma, so blinded to reason, and so damnably dense that it took all the joy out of it. They did not know they’d been beaten.  Nay, in fact, they reveled in their defeat, braying (or mooing, I suppose) as if they’d won some great victory. Their decisive blow? They descended to name-calling. What a victory! But this got me to thinking back to my salad days, when I first became acquainted with the works of one of America’s greatest authors, Samuel Langhorne Clemens, better known by his nom de plume, Mark Twain. And it occurred to me that Mr. Twain could explain my situation far better than I. So without his permission (him being long in the grave and all that) and his works thankfully being in the public domain, I present, for your enjoyment, a chapter from A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur’s Court, wherein our hero, Sir Boss, narrates a tale, a chance encounter with an English subject as he tries to explain the concept of relative worth. (After all, if you’re gonna have a guest writer, why not the best, eh?) [Read more…] about Arguing with Progressives.


In this post-April 15th funk in which we find ourselves every year, I think it’s a useful exercise to speculate on not so much on why we are in the fix we’re in, but to focus on what to do to fix it. Instead of admiring the problem, it’s time for bold solutions. And I stumbled on one this evening. It’s radical. It’s fresh. It’s new. It’s never been even so much as proposed before. And it could work. I propose we shut down Washington.

Now I know what you’re thinking. “This guy’s not been paying attention…the [insert name of the opposition party] just threatened to shut down Washington, and they averted that crisis. And everybody agreed, that would be catastrophic! The End Of The World As We Know It! A death-knell to the economy!” Puh-leeze. But that’s NOT what I’m talking about. At all. [Read more…] about

https://captaindigital.net/2011/04/19/end_washington/

Do Vows Matter Anymore?

I’m confused. You see, I grew up in a household where a person’s word was their bond. But apparently, I’m mistaken.

I said that very phrase just the other day, and my daughter asked me “what’s a bond?” I explained it as something of value that you put up as collateral, essentially something that you forfeit if you don’t keep your word. I told her about collateral on loans, and explained that the phrase essentially meant that “my word should be good enough for you, because I’m a man of my word.” I’ve always tried to be VERY careful about that with my daughter. I think as parents, it’s way too easy to promise your child something and then not make good on it, for a variety of reasons. I’ve tried to be up-front with my child, and if I can’t honor my promise when I promised to do so, I’ve always let her know, and then made it up to her as soon as I could. Because of that, she trusts me. She believes I will keep my word, because I always do. [Read more…] about Do Vows Matter Anymore?

A Modest (Software) Proposal.

I text. A lot. There. I’ve admitted it. Text messages are actually pretty useful – especially if used appropriately. Unfortunately, human nature being what it is, and everything, a lot of people check their brains at the car door, and insist on texting whilst driving. Pandemonium ensues. And that’s a bad thing.

Governments, insisting that Something Must Be Done, do their typically heavy-handed thang – they ban texting while driving. But technology could offer a better way to deal with texting on the road, and I’m curious as to why nobody’s figured this out.

I have an iPhone (a phone that elicits much the same passion in me that guns did from Charlton Heston…”from my, cold, dead fingers!”). I have a free program installed on it called “Dragon Dictation.” Pretty cool app. It allows you to dictate anything, then converts the audio automagically to text. Does a pretty good job, too. They’ll even let you paste it into a text message. Cool – as far as it goes. But what’s needed – by Nuance (makers of the Dragon app), Apple, or for pity’s sake SOMEBODY – is a full-blown SMS application that will allow you to speak and send – as well as convert the incoming texts to audio, so you can, well…text without um…texting.

This could be a killer app. Or given the number of accidents caused by texting, maybe the ultimate NON-killing app. And it ought to come with every smartphone. But if it can’t be free, at least it could be advertiser-supported – either with visual ads, or with audio ads (like radio, duh!) that would be limited to, say once every 60 seconds or so (and no longer than 5 seconds, please!).

I my experience, there’s no way to legislate common sense. And if you can find a way to enable people to do what they want, and do it safely without venturing too far out of their comfort zones – it’s bound to work. Wouldn’t it be better to have “voice texting” (vText? vSMS?) than just ban it completely? And besides – most people can’t type worth a warm bucket of spit. I can’t believe speech recognition would make messaging a bigger mess than it is now.

“Loser-iana” No More.

I was born and raised in Louisiana. While my hometown is Shreveport, New Orleans was, is and probably always shall be the center of the Louisiana Universe. When I was but a lad, the state got pro-football fever, when the New Orleans Saints set up shop. I remember hearing that we’d see a Super Bowl trophy Really Soon Now – surely within the first ten years, n’est pas? Nope. Throughout most of the team history, it’s been a story of loss – sometimes snatching defeat from the jaws of victory, sometimes just being bad. Heartbreakingly, astonishingly bad. What other team could generate so much angst and ennui from their own fans that they would hide their faces in shame.
Tonight, all is forgiven.
All that faith, love, and hope has been rewarded tonight with the ultimate prize. Let us celebrate. Let there be merriment in the streets, celebration in the schools, and songs in our hearts. Let the men in black and gold be our standard-bearers, and lead the state proudly.
There is no need to make excuses any longer.
There is no need to put an asterisk beside the state’s listing.
There is no need to apologize.
Tonight the entire state rejoices.
Tonight, New Orleans looks with pride and confidence to the future.
Tonight we are as one – one state with a shared pride.
“Loser”-ania no more, indeed.

Parliament Bunk-adelic.

Recently, a friend of mine (who usually exhibits a much higher degree of common sense) proposed that we stage a Constitutional Convention for the purposes of throwing out our current form of government and replacing it with a Parliamentary system, much as they have in the UK.

Pause with me for a nanosecond, whilst we ponder just how screamingly bad an idea this would be.

For those of you that slept through 8th grade Civics or Freshman History class, let me provide you with a soupcon of background on the way things evolved over the pond, and you’ll see why I hold this idea with the same esteem that I usually reserve for things I scrape off the bottom of my shoe, Harry Reid, and Nancy Pelosi… [Read more…] about Parliament Bunk-adelic.