Captain Digital

Random musings on politics, society, and pop culture from the Internet's marketing curmudgeon.

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Current Events, Society & the Law

Homeland (In)security.

Living in Texas, I’ve given a lot of thought on the issue of homeland security, especially as it applies to the border. Admittedly, here in the Panhandle, we’re about as far away from the Mexican border as you can be, and still live in the great State of Texas. However, you might be surprised to learn that border security is an issue that has a direct effect on where I live. For instance, while the majority of the population in the Texas Panhandle is Anglo/White/Caucasian (I’m not up on what the P.C. crowd is calling us homies nowadays), the second-largest ethnic group is not Black/Afro-American/Whatever is the P.C. Term, but Hispanic. A surprisingly large percentage of our local population is comprised of those who have entered the company without the benefit of immigration papers. In other words, illegal aliens. (I’m aware the P.C. term is “undocumented workers.” That’s a load of male bovine excrement. If they are from another country and are here without following our immigration laws, they are illegal aliens.

You may have noticed in the news lately, that illegal alien immigration is way down in the past fiscal quarter. I’d love to be able to report that this is due to stepped-up patrols, the long-awaited, controversial border fence, or something we did to directly affect the problem. Nope. It’s because our economy (like the rest of the world’s, mind you) is in the baño right now. (For you gringos, that’s the toilet.) Seems as though all those low-paying jobs that are typically beneath the dignity of us naitive-borns are suddenly looking muy bueno right about now, and the depressed job market has not the siren song call to our Neighbors to the South.

Still, we need border security, to serve both economic security and national security goals. I think I have the answer, and – with appologies to Jonathan Swift – I’d like to share my idea with you.

Annex Mexico. [Read more…] about Homeland (In)security.

Billboard logic.

I was driving down the street here in Amarillo (Centrally Located Between Two Oceans!™) the other day, and spied a billboard for the U.S. Border Patrol. The board promised an exciting career in law enforcement keeping our borders safe for legal immigrants and travelers, and keeping the illegal aliens out.

Pause with me for a nanosecond, and let’s consider what they’re asking. [Read more…] about Billboard logic.

Merry ChristmaKwanzakaFestiMas?

Look. I’ve had enough. The politically correct crowd, the rabid atheists, and the secular progressives can all go hang themselves. Here’s the deal: Christmas is, by its very definition, a CHRISTIAN holiday. Period.

The word “Christmas” comes from “Christ Mass” – the sacrament of Holy Communion, said to celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ. No more. No less. In the intervening years since Christ walked the Earth, many traditions regarding this celbration have arisen. Some are appropriate. Some less so. (For those that insist that Christ would not approve of celebrating His birth at all, I wonder just how thrilled Jesus really is, to see the instrument of his torture and death celebrated as his own symbol. I mean, I get the “triumph over death” idea, but seriously…if you’d been put to as painful a death as could be imagined, I’m pretty sure you’d have at least an involuntary twitch every time you saw a cross. But, I digress…) [Read more…] about Merry ChristmaKwanzakaFestiMas?

The following post is closed-captioned…

…for the thinking-impaired. 

DATELINE: WASHINGTON D.C.: Today the President [who is suddenly worried about his ‘legacy’] announced that the [lame duck] Administration has put together a plan to give GM and Chrysler a loan [throwing bad money after good] of 17 Billion Dollars [further devaluing our currency and likely triggering inflation on a scale not seen since Carter and the 1970’s] to help them avoid bankruptcy [which, paradoxically is the only thing that would save them from annihilation]. The plan calls for the companies to submit a turn-around plan [which won’t work without bankruptcy] by March 31st [long after Bush is gone, and it’s Obama’s problem], or they will have to give the money back [as if they’d have anything left, at the rate they’re bleeding red ink]. United Auto Workers head [bully] Ron Gettlefinger immediately stated that the Bush plan was unworkable, and had far too many restrictions [that might result in the UAW having to accept salary and benefit cuts]. Gettlefinger offered that they would immediately demand that the Obama Administration rewrite the plan to remove the offending restrictions [and thus keep Gettlefinger’s job safe, and force the Big Three to continue to dance to organized labor’s tune].

Here’s the truth, people. The Big Three will not be able to avoid bankruptcy, sooner or later. The union will not allow any kind of meaningful compromise. Gettlefinger doesn’t get it – times have changed. There’s a healthy automotive industry in the USA. Just not in Detroit – and it’s one his union has nothing to do with. The 800 pound gorilla in the room that nobody – Republican OR Democrat – wants to acknowledge is that the only way to save the Big Three is to kill the union. Without the union contracts, union pension plan and union health plan, they can survive. With them, there’s no way to make it work. Period. [Read more…] about The following post is closed-captioned…

Free Money.

Just when the going gets weird…it gets even weirder.

Today, the Fed dropped the Prime to .25%. I’m no math genius or financial wizard, but that means that the Federal Reserve is loaning banks money for 1/4 of a percent. That’s 1/4 of a percent away from FREE. This means that if a bank actually has money to loan, and if you’re credit is squeaky-clean (know anybody like that? I don’t…) you can get a loan for a ridiculously low rate.

Mere mortals need not apply.

I’m sure everybody’s gonna wonder and worry over this. I don’t know why – when the Treasury is printing money like spammers send bulk emails, it’s all funny money. The only worry here is what are they gonna do when we get to ZERO? To cut rates further than that, we’d have to do negative interest, in other words, have the government pay the banks to take their money.

Oh, wait…they’re kinda already doing that. It’s called the TARP funds program.

Whoops.

Not much to say about this, other than buckle your seatbelts…it’s gonna be a bumpy night week month year decade.

Governorgate.

I’m I the only one that is watching the situation in Illinois with a sense of 70’s déjà vù? I mean, this is kind of like watching the döppelganger of a famous scandal (that gave us the postfix “-gate”). I was all of 16 years old, between my junior and senior years in high school in 1974. I was at Louisiana Boys’ State, learning about government down in Baton Rouge – the state capitol. They called us into a big hall and had us sit down and get quiet. Nobody told us what was going on, but we knew it was something bad from the solemn looks on all the adult’s faces. Richard Nixon’s voice came on the radio. He announced that he was resigning from the Presidency. 

You could have heard a pin drop. Some 350-odd teenage boys, not breathing, not making a sound. It was history being made, and we all knew it. 

So you see, I have a special connection to Watergate. And I know that those who do not remember history are condemned to repeat it. Let’s see how we’re doing so far: [Read more…] about Governorgate.

What’s good for General Motors…

Chales Irwin Wilson
Charles Irwin Wilson

…is good for America, or to be completely accurate, “What was good for our country was good for General Motors and vice versa”, or so said Charles Erwin Wilson, Ike’s Secretary of Defense back in the 50’s. He believed that anything that was good for GM was good for America, because the two economies were inexorably intertwined. But what is good for General Motors?

I’ve been following the bailout of the Big Three for a long time. And I’ve got some ideas on a REAL solution…not this three-card Monte they’re playing in Congress. Real solutions. Here’s my ideas: [Read more…] about What’s good for General Motors…

G-Rod gets caught red-handed.

NEWS ITEM: Gov. Rod Blagojevich and his chief of staff, John Harris, were arrested today by FBI agents for what U.S. Atty. Patrick Fitzgerald called a “staggering” level of corruption involving pay to play politics in Illinois’ top office.

Blagojevich is accused of a wide-ranging criminal conspiracy, including alleged attempts by the governor to try to sell or trade the U.S. Senate seat left vacant by President-elect Barack Obama in exchange for financial benefits for the governor and his wife. Blagojevich also is accused of obtaining campaign contributions in exchange for other official actions.

FBI agents served a search warrant on his office at the Thompson Center this morning, said Frank Bochte, an FBI spokesman.

Blagojevich was taken into federal custody at his North Side home this morning—one day shy of his 52nd birthday.

Wow. [Read more…] about G-Rod gets caught red-handed.

Dr. StrangeGun.

…Or How I Wish I Could Stop Analyzing and Enjoy the Movies.

When I was a kid, there were three things I loved – listening to live music, watching live theatre, and going to the movies. In short, entertainment needed to be live or larger than life to jazz me. As I grew up and became a professional musician, my love of live music was tempered by my knowledge. In other words, since I was no longer blissfully ignorant, a slightly out-of-tune french horn or drummer that rushed a little really bugged me – to the point where I could pay attention to nothing other than what to me were glaring errors. Kind of a bummer, really. Can’t tell you how many otherwise fine events have been spoiled for me that way. [Read more…] about Dr. StrangeGun.