Captain Digital

Random musings on politics, society, and pop culture from the Internet's marketing curmudgeon.

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Archives for April 2021

Woka-Cola.

When I was a kid, there was nothing better than an ice-cold bottle of Coke. My sister and I used to get a dollar from my grandmother, and walk about four blocks with my little sister, down to the Pak-a-Sak, and buy two Coca-Colas, two candy bars, and two comic books. I was six. She was four. We were barefoot and unaccompanied. It would have been around 1963. I can still taste that ice cold drink, feel the thick, green glass bottle in my six-year-old hand, condensation dripping onto my bare feet. I didn’t know it then, but this was what Heaven will be like.

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Lies, Damned Lies, and The Media.

Benjamin Disraeli. (Look him up.)

I’ve always loved newspapers. When I was a kid, I had a paper route. I always had a couple of extra newspapers in the bundle, just to make sure that I had enough, if one got messed up, and every afternoon, I’d take one of the spares, and read it, pretty much cover to cover. Back then, reading a paper was a great way to learn about the world, the nation, and your own area. Newspapers used to have a couple of really important rules: 1) Don’t allow advertisers to influence your news coverage, and 2) Maintain a wall between hard news and opinion. Section A of the paper was always hard news – stories that provided the facts of the subject, in what we in Journalism class called the “Inverted Pyramid.” The idea was to provide all the salient details up-front, with more and more details further in. In a way, this is the opposite of how you’d write a story – in fiction, you want to create a hook at the beginning, to grab the reader and draw them deeper into the story. Well into the tale, you deliver the details and critical information to the story.

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A Plan for Guns That Works.

DATELINE: WASHINGTON, April 18, 2021 – The White House has announced a new initiative regarding guns, answering critics on the right who point out that criminals do not obey gun laws, no matter how “common sense” they are, or how well-intentioned. White House Spokesperson Jenn Psaki stated, “President* Biden has noted the resistance to his common sense gun bans…er…um…gun reforms from the Right, with the pundits pointing out that laws only affect law-abiding citizens. So we’ve come up with a plan that will address these concerns. We call it, ‘Midnight Range Time.'”

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What’s in a Name?

What’s in a name? I’m the first to admit my last name can be something of a challenge for some. “Kozak” is a Czech name, from the original Czech word for “cossack” – a fierce, warrior, often referring to a calvary soldier, complete with a rifle, brace of pistols, and a saber. (Ah, for the good old days.) When my great-grandfather came over from Prague at the turn of the century, he (or the guy working the intake desk at Ellis Island anglicized it to “Kozak.” In Czech, it’s actually pronounced “KO-yahk,” from what I understand. I’d have to go by my first name over there, for there is no translation for “Bradford.” But I digress. 

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