Captain Digital

Random musings on politics, society, and pop culture from the Internet's marketing curmudgeon.

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Archives for 2009

Swing Voter.

As I write this turncoat Senator Arlen Specter is announcing his switch from the GOP to the Democrat party.

Good riddance.

The mainstream media, of course, is all over this, loudly braying that “how can the Republicans hope to be a party with national influence if even a “moderate” like Specter feels he must leave the “big tent” and jump to the donkey side of things.

Rubbish.

Here’s the logical fallacies you’ll hear from the MSMs – first of all Specter is not, nor has he ever been a moderate. Arlen Specter is, was, and as far as I can see always will be a liberal. [Read more…] about Swing Voter.

Beauty is their Bidness.

In my salad days, I played a bunch of beauty paegants. As a pit orchestra drummer, you get a unique perspective on pageants, much like you do when you get to see a magician’s act from behind the curtain. As an arranger/composer/orchestrator, my father got a good bit of pageant work, too. He did arrangements for some high-profile contestants, the biggest of which was Miss Louisiana, Anita Whittaker, who placed in the top five of the Miss America pageant. So when I talk about pageants, I’m not simply doing the armchair quarterback thing – I’ve been there and done that. [Read more…] about Beauty is their Bidness.

Partying Like It’s 1836.

For those of you not from Texas, 1836 was the year the phrase “Remember the Alamo!” passed into our national lexicon, for it was that year, that 187 Americans told Mexican General Santa Anna and his 6,000 troops to go suck an egg. The Americans held off the Mexican Army for 13 days. They were eventually overrun and killed to a man, but they never gave up, never surrendered, and never quit.

On Wednesday, I was proud to be among what I estimate to be about 10,000 other Texans who gathered at that same, sacred spot in San Antonio, to draw a metaphorical line in the sand (the Alamo, by the way, is where that expression came from), to send a message to Washington: “You’re NOT LISTENING.”

If you watched the coverage on Fox News, you already know this. If you watched the mainstream media, you have no clue. [Read more…] about Partying Like It’s 1836.

Social Networking Gone Bad.

Totally Clueless
Totally Clueless

I’m a fan of social networking sites. I’m not big on Facebook and Twitter and MySpace – but I have a presence there, largely because they’ve each reached critical mass. They are useful for keeping track of old friends. That’s all well and good, but I’m far more interested in business-oriented sites. Keeping in touch with business contacts and former co-workers is a networker’s dream. It’s something that’s really useful, especially when you’re looking for a job, or seeking a way into a company to grab and account. [Read more…] about Social Networking Gone Bad.

We’re From the Government, and We’re Here to Help.

Heard about the suds smuggling going on up in Washington State? The eco-Nazis got together and got a law passed that banned all phosphates in detergents. But like most of what passes for “science” from the green crowd, somebody failed to do their homework. Turns out while phosphates may be bad whilst going down the drain from a dishwasher, they serve a useful purpose – they make the soap clean the dishes better, especially where locals suffer with hard water. No phosphates – no clean dishes, which means that the natives have to wash their dishes several times over to get ’em clean. Now I ask you – what’s more harmful to the environment…phosphates and a normal number of gallons of water used per dishwasher load, or no phosphates but three to five times the gallons of water used. You don’t have to be Kevin Costner to figure out that the world ain’t made of potable water. Take it from me here atop a caprock in the Texas Panhandle, water is a precious commodity. Using less water is better than trying to keep what goes down the drain from being a little impure. (Hint: That’s what we have water treatment plants for.) [Read more…] about We’re From the Government, and We’re Here to Help.

On humor.

Believe it or not, I get a lot of questions about humor – more specifically, “how do you come up with funny stuff when you write?” Funny you should ask.  Interesting question. Like many people that work creatively, I don’t think a lot about how I do what I do. But since I get this question so often, I think it’s high time to start thinking about it.

What is funny? Experts have argued over that question for as long as there have been jokes. (The oldest known joke is – naturally – a fart joke that dates back to Etruscan times.) I’m not going to deal with the question of the nature of humor here. I’ll limit myself to a discussion of how I inject humor into my writing. [Read more…] about On humor.

Who gets Jeep?

The American Legend.
Jeep: The American Legend.

Let’s be honest. Chrysler is RIP. Today’s announcement that Chrysler has 30 days to make a deal with Fiat does nothing but forestall the inevitable. To get the Fiat deal done, creditors must allow Chrysler to default on loans. Why would they do that, if they simply force Chrysler into bankruptcy? After all, 10 cents on the dollar is better than nothing. So let’s assume that Chrysler is heading for that big Chapter 11 (or 7) in the sky. Now what?

I think it’s pretty safe to say that we won’t see anybody buy Chrysler/Dodge/Jeep lock, stock and pistons. Nope, the parts will be worth (marginally) more than the sum of the companies. Chrysler itself is worthless – the only two vehicles they have that are in anything close to what resembles demand are the Town & Country minivan and the 300 sedan. Neither is currently considered best-0f-breed. Chrysler can sink into the sunset with few tears from the great unwashed. [Read more…] about Who gets Jeep?

D.C.: the Solomon Solution

An incisive decision.
An incisive decision.

Remember Solomon? For those of you who aren’t big Bible fans, Solomon was an Old Testament ruler – King of the Hebrews – who was renowned for his wisdom. In fact, the phrase “Wisdom of Solomon” indicates somebody that is very, very wise. King Solomon’s most famous decision was a ruling regarding a baby and dueling mothers. As the tale goes, one mother had rolled over in the night, accidentally smothering her newborn. To deal with her loss, she claimed that another woman’s baby was her own. In an era thousands of years before DNA, Solomon was asked to decide to which mother the living baby actually belonged. [Read more…] about D.C.: the Solomon Solution

Barney (the less than) Frank.

There are a couple of things that just drive me absolutely nuts. Boredom. Laziness. Lying. And number one with a bullet on my hit list of things I hate: weaselness. I define “weaselness” as a behavior where the weasel in question acts in a way so as to make life easier for themselves at the expense of the rest of the world, usually by twisting the truth beyond recognition, ducking responsibility, and blamestorming.

Barney Frank is a weasel. [Read more…] about Barney (the less than) Frank.