Couldn’t care less, frankly. Hard for me to get interested in a bunch of self-centered, egotistical, spoiled brats, running around and playing dress-up, slapping each other on the back for how “naughty” and “provocative” they were over the past year. Think of it as a video documentary of detention at an overpriviledged high school, on an afternoon when the entire Drama Club has been nailed for cheating.
However, I digress. Back on Valentine’s Day, I stuck my neck out, and for the first time ever, made Oscar predictions. Today, children, we’ll review my predictions, the actual results, and how well I did.
CATEGORY | MY PREDICTION | THE WINNER… | COMMENTS |
---|---|---|---|
Best Picture | Slumdog Millionaire | Slumdog Millionaire | Told ‘ya. |
Best Actor | Sean Penn for Milk | Frank Langella for Frost/Nixon | Prooving conclusively that Hollywood’s first allegiance is to gays, second to liberals. I’ll know better next time. |
Best Actress | Meryl Streep in Doubt | Kate Winslet for The Reader | Missed this one. But you gotta admit, by my logic, it’s hard to count out the Alar Queen. Don’t know much about Winslet’s politics, but she had that “often a bridesmaid, never a bride” thing going for her. |
Best Supporting Actor | Heath Ledger in The Dark Knight | Heath Ledger in The Dark Knight | Told ‘ya. Everybody loves a talent, especially when they tragically assume room temperature before their time. |
Best Supporting Actress | Penelope Cruz in Vicky Cristina Barcelona | A toss-up | Okay…I weasled on this one. But seriously…did anybody care? |
Best Director | Danny Boyle in Slumdog Millionaire | Danny Boyle in Slumdog Millionaire | Another slam-dunk. No way they’re gonna give Opie an Oscar this year, and they probably still hold a grudge against Gus Van Sant for the remake of Psycho. |
Best Original Screenplay | Milk | Milk | Hey…In Bruges lost. I’m happy. |
Best Adapted Screenplay | Frost/Nixon | Slumdog Millionaire | A triumph for liberal principles over conservative bashing. Who woulda thunk it? |
Best Animated Film | WALL•E | WALL•E | The film with the most progressive theme – humans are evil, and are destroying the planet. Especially those evill Walmart guys. A valentine to the Greenie ecoNazis. |
My success rate was 5.5 out of 9 (I’m giving myself a half-point on the Best Supporting Actress), or just under 66%. That’s better odds, by the way, than you’d get from a stockbroker, weatherman, or Vegas handicapper. I think I’m on to something here. In fact, with just a couple of minor tweaks to the way I interpreted the data, I would have gotten 7 or 8 out of 9. Ah well…there’s always next year.
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