As scene on TV…

One of the many benefits of having a home office is having a TV on my desk. I keep it tuned to Fox News or the Sirius Classic Jazz channel for most of the day – having either a background of news or jazz suits me just fine. I also have a conveniently-located mute button, in case I need to take a call, work on audio, or if it gets distracting.

This time of year, most companies pushing gifts spend a year’s worth of ad budgets in 30 days or less. Where as before November 2nd we were assaulted with All Political Ads, All The Time, now it’s ads for Omaha Steaks (making me hungry), has-been singers pushing a Greatest Hits album, or the latest and greatest kitchen appliance, each and every one guaranteed to be The Perfect Christmas Gift.

I’m sure you’re as annoyed with this kind of dreck as I am – at least you would be if you left your TV on all day. My vote for the most annoying ad in the Fox News rotation? Christy Lane’s 30 Christmas Classics.

Mrs. Digital is after me to stop swearing so I’m gonna get in hot water for this, but I swear if I have to hear “shake me I rattle…” one more time, I’m gonna have to put my size thirteens through a TV screen. I’m not sure why I dislike Christy Lane’s music so much. I’m sure she’s a lovely woman. Anybody that can be in the music business long enough to need airbrushing on their album cover pic earns a modicum of respect for longevity, even if I can’t stand their music. Of course, part of it may be the fact that if you were to look up schmaltz in an unabridged dictionary, I’m sure they’d use Christy Lane as an illustration. (See also hackneyed, cloying, smarmy, saccharine, and drivel.)

What you may not know is that Christmas albums are to recording artists what IRAs and Roth accounts are to the rest of us. The really great Christmas albums are practically an annuity. Talk about a golden goose – go into the studio for one album and you get to sell that sucker for one month, every year, for the rest of your life (plus 75 years). Holy Copyright, Batman! A popular Christmas album is money in the bank. Just ask the guys behind Mannheim Steamroller and the Trans-Siberian Orchestra. These two groups have cornered the market on orchestral rock Christmas albums, and make major bucks trotting out the same playlist every December. (I know, I know…they keep releasing “new” Christmas albums – but trust me, the old ones sell just as well, if not better.)

Is there a solution to this? Nope. Like spam, just enough people respond to these ads to make it worthwhile to buy the network time. Until that changes, I’m afraid changing the channel or hitting the mute button is the only solution.

So the next time you’re watching TV in December, keep your wallet in your pocket, and your finger near the mute button. The money – and ears – you save may be your own. As for me, I think it’s time for a little jazz.