Just got back from my annual sojourn to the upper portion of the Texas Panhandle, for a dove hunt. Now, I’m not a big hunter, mind you. It’s something that I like, but I’ve never really had the opportunity, I guess, to do a lot of it. I think I’ve been hunting, oh, maybe four or five times in my life. But this time was special. I had the opportunity to go hunting with a bunch of guys from my church, including the Vicar of our church and one of our Bishops. (If you’re curious, I bagged four doves…well…really 3 1/2, as with one I shared with one of the other hunters, as we shot it at the same time.) The experience left me tired, but also relaxed and happy. While (most of) the men of the church went a-hunting, the women of the church stayed home, and had a pool party. On the way home I pondered why men like hunting, and (most) women do not.
Part of it, I think, is that men like shooting things. There’s a certain amount of a rush associated with pulling a trigger and making something go ‘boom’ (it’s one of the reasons, frankly, that I enjoy playing the drums). Part of it is that I think most women simply don’t enjoy loud noises, nor do they get the same kind of thrill that men do from shooting. (Now before I get a bunch of comments from women that hunt, keep in mind that I’m stating things in gernalities. I’m sure there are LOTS of women that enjoy hunting.)
But I think a big part of it is that men enjoy going off in groups and not talking, at least not talking very much.
It’s been my experience that if you put a bunch of women together, they will talk. Nothing wrong with that. Guys may talk, but not a lot. Women talk about feelings. Men talk about sports. Or tools. Or stuff. Women like to sample things. Men like to get lost in their own thoughts. Women want to communicate. Men communicate, but non-verbally, whenever possible. Women want to know details. Men don’t care. Women want to know what you’re thinking and feeling. Men would prefer you keep that messy “feelings” stuff to youself, unless it’s a primal emotion. It’s perfectly okay to say you’re angry about something, one guy to another. It’s not okay to spend two hours recounting a blow-by-blow of what’s wrong and then wallow in your emotions.
Women want to discuss things – it’s how they process information.
Guys want to fix things. It’s what we do.
Problems begin when women want to discuss things (primarily emotions) with their men. The natural male instinct is to look at everything as a problem to be solved. We think they want us to solve their problems, and so we offer up solutions. Women don’t want that. They want us to…to listen.
It is one of the many little ironies of life, that what women want from men is the very thing we find that is most difficult to do – listen without trying to fix things, or at the very least offer a solution.
It is another one of the many little ironies of life, that what men naturally want to do is the very thing that women DON’T want us to do.
God really IS a commedian, playing to an audience afraid to laugh.
Anyway, no solutions here. I’m just observing that men and women are vastly different, and in the end (as painful as that may be sometimes) that’s a good thing.
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