Dear Microsoft,
This is a difficult letter for me to write. We’ve been together for a long time – really since 1987. Oh, sure, we flirted before that, with Word DOS, but our relationship really became serious with the release of Windows 1.0. You had to know the level of my commitment to our relationship…I mean, after all, back in 84 when I bought my first PC, I had a choice even back then – an 8086 PC or a Mac. For me it was simple. A PC gave me more bang for my buck – the Mac was cute, but seemed more expensive toy than a real, working computer. Back then, it was like dating a foreign exchange student – I did my best to learn your language, ever hopeful you’d even try and learn mine. (I’m probably a handful of people that remember the painful joke that was EDLIN.)
The years passed, and my computer became more than just a bleeding-edge curiosity – it became a Business Productivity Tool. I taught myself DOS, Framework’s FRED, and a slew of other now-forgotten languages and lingos. You advanced, too, with a color display, a real hard drive, better printers, and finially a rudimentary mouse. We were cookin! Then 1987 came, and Windows changed everything.
As I look back, Windows first seemed like some wonderful and new aspect of your personality. Sure, it was clunky at first – tiled windows and the like. Few took you seriously. Of course, I did…I went to work for Micrografx, a graphics application publisher that actually released a Windows application before you release Windows. (Remember the “run-time mode” stuff, so developers who’d bet the farm on a Windows app could sell it, while we all waited – patiently – for you to release the OS.) Of course, back then, Windows was just another “app” running on top of DOS, with all the accompanying overhead. Yep, Windows worked…as long as you didn’t mind upgrading your PC, adding memory, hard disk space, and a better video card – and were willing to suffer the slings and arrows of essentially beta testing if Windows would even work with your hardware. But I digress…
Over the years, Windows was no longer like a role you would play when feeling playful – it took over your entire being. At first, this seemed like a resonable step. After all, I spent a lot more time with your “Windows” face than I did with your “DOS” one. But at times, I began to believe that Bill, Steve, and the boys should have called you “Sybil,” as Windows gave you one Hell of a personality disorder. And every time you got depressed, the face you’d show to the world would be blue – as in the Blue Screen of Death – and you became every bit as cryptic and pouty as any other pre-K spoiled brat.
In ’95, too big things happened in my life. I got married to a wonderful woman, and (the day before, as luck would have it) you released Windows 95. Heralded as The First Really Useful Version of Windows, it seemed like you’d finally grown up. Improved functionality, better drivers, things looked promising. Now I’ll admit that my friends (and customers) had been after me to dump you for some time. Macs had grown up, too, and all my buddies used them as their go-to machines. I even went so far as to buy a used one, but when push came to shove, Windows still had my heart – and wallet. I eventually gave up on my Mac flirtation and sold it, past it’s prime.
I became a “Windows Guy,” flying in the face of a market that was decidedly Mac-centric. Remember, back in my Micrografx days, I was the guy that coined the phrase “The Cure for MacEnvy,” as if Windows was every bit as capable of doing ‘real work’ as a Mac. I wanted it to be true. I NEEDED it to be true. But sometimes, the lies we tell ourselves are more deadly than any we tell the world…
Time marched on, and I began to see a change in your personality. Windows tried to be all things to all people. Macs changed, too. They became more flexible, more limber, and focused their efforts on making the ‘user experience’ less painful – and a lot less work. You seemed to use this time to turn Windows into a corporate-style ivory tower, bloating it with features nobody needed or wanted – features that were pale imitations of what Mac did. The better Mac got, the more paranoid you became, using your market size and strength to try and bully people into sideing with you. Still, I stayed loyal.
During WWII, Goebels believed that if you tell a lie often enough, that it becomes the truth. Evidently, this was the centerpiece of your marketing plan. And for a while, I was drinking the Microsoft Kool-Aid. I looked at the Mac guys out there as if they’d been the victims of a cult leader. What I didn’t realize was that I was the one being lied to. Friends with Macs kept telling me that, while their Macs weren’t perfect, they spent far less time each day fixing problems, and more time getting work done.
Still I kept the faith, although I’ll admit that I was finding it harder and harder to do so. With every five minutes I lost rebooting, and time I spent trying to figure out WHAT was wrong THIS time, I yearned for an OS that actually worked. But you kept promising a new operating system, Really Soon Now, that would fix everything, and bury Macs, once and for all.
I probably don’t need to tell you what a disaster Vista has become. You know. Although you refuse to admit it – to your loyal customers or to yourselves. I (wisely, as it turned out) waited to upgrade, instead buying two high-end laptops for my wife and daughter – both infected (and I use that word advisedly) with Vista. Yep, infected. Vista is, from my experience, nothing short of a steaming pile of crap. And you didn’t stop there – you allowed the Vista-esque infection to spread into Office. My wife finds the new version of Word barely usable, and I’m not far behind her. Oh, and then we made the major mistake of buying matching Windows Mobile phones, thus discovering that “ActiveSync” is a one-word contradition in terms – and bringing our telephonic productivity to a new low.
I looked to Redmond for some relief. I figured with you guys being the Masters of Marketing, you’d realize that Vista, Office, and Windows Mobile were a complete disaster, and would marshall the troops to fix them, post haste. Nope. I guess you’re so big now, you think you can keep your minions dependent upon you by stonewalling, and by insisting that there’s nothing really wrong.
Microsoft, here’s the deal. I use a computer to get work done. When the computer doesn’t work – I can’t either. I added it up the other day…I spend at least 25% of my day rebooting, troubleshooting, or doing something to keep our Windows machines working. My desktop is ready for the scrap heap, and I just can’t see spending good money to be force-fed an OS that takes gigabytes more memory, just so I can have a fancier graphic experience – especially since ALL I really need is to have a computer that doesn’t crash more than once a day. (My standards have been lowered with the onset of MSS – Microsoft/Stockholm Syndrome).
As much as I hate to admit it, the one thing that kept me loyal to you was the fact that Windows boxes were…well…CHEAPER. But then that last factor fell away, when I learned that I could get the equivalent Mac for just about the same price. I felt like St. Paul, with the scales falling from my eyes. I’d been blind. But now I could see. Suddenly, the idea of switching to Mac was not an impossible task – financially or otherwise. I began to actually LISTEN to my friends, as they showed me how much easier life was away from the Microsoft Way.
So I guess this is a “Dear John” letter, Microsoft. I’ve had it. I’m NOT gonna throw good money after bad. I’m going to crossgrade my copy of Adobe CS3, and be done with Windows, once and for all. I’m gonna ditch Sprint and my WIndows Mobile phone for a new iPhone. And I’m going to walk blissfully into a land where my computer helps – rather than impedes work. I’m tired of the B.S. I’m tired of the delays, and mostly, I’m tired of your arrogance. So this is “goodbye.” It’s been a long relationship, but I can’t say it’s been fun. Don’t let the door hit you on your butt on the way out.
– A (formerly) loyal customer.
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