Patently Ridiculous.

Can we stop for a moment and talk about patents? I’m a creative guy. Over the years I’ve come up with any number of creative ideas. Some of them could/should be protected, intellectual property. Some were just great ideas. As a creative guy, I’m generally in favor of some kind of protection for those who come up with some useful new invention. On the other hand, I’m for the immediate dissolution of the U. S. Patent Office, and the creation of a new agency that understands what in the HELL they are doing.

Here’s the deal. Let’s say you invent something. Nobody ever thought of it before. It’s useful. It’s cool. You don’t want somebody to steal your idea, so you apply for a patent. Your product takes off. You make millions. At some point, your patent runs out, and everybody and their cat decides to market a me-too product, turning your product from a unique gadget into a commodity. You resign yourself to make less money.

This is how patents are supposed to work.

Here’s what really happens. You come with an idea. You have just enough money to get a patent. You get it, and sit on it. Somebody else comes up with the same (or similiar) idea to yours, has the money to bring it to market. They make millions. You have your attorney write a letter, and put a literary gun to their head, demanding payment for your “valuable intellectual property” which you claim they are violating. You make millions (eventually) for doing…nothing.

Today, I learned that the mental midgets at the USPTO have granted a software patent to Balthaser that covers “methods, systems and processes for the design and creation of rich-media applications via the Internet.” Not heard of Balthaser? I’m not surprised. They are a small, California company that used to be a Flash design shop. (Much like me, I might add.) They came out with some Flash templates, that from what I hear, did not sell very well. Their brain trust decided to pursue a software patent that covers how interactive media is created. From what I understand, their patent covers using Flash, JavaScript, AJAX, and virtually any other tool to create rich media.

Now, realistically, I don’t think this patent will stand up to scrutiny. Let me rephrase that. I HOPE this patent will be revoked, quickly and dramatically. Otherwise, I’m screwed. The concept of “prior art” evidently means nothing to the Patent Office any more. They’re handing out those patents like Asprin at a triage unit.

Put yourself in my position. Let’s say, instead of making multimedia, let’s pretend I’m a chili cook. (Not that much of a stretch. I make a mean pot of chili.) Now let’s say, like tens of thousands of other cooks, I’ve been making chili for years. Let’s say that one day, the USPTO grants a patent for the CHILI MAKING PROCESS to some Hormel wanna-be, and they promptly send letters to me and other chili cooks, demanding that we pay them a royalty for every pot we make.

Can this patent thing get ANY more insane? I don’t see how it could.

I have no problem with a patent if you create something original. The problem here is that Balthaser has patented something that they did NOT invent. People were creating multimedia long before Balthaser did. This is ridiculous. This is insane. This is why the Patent Office needs to be dissolved. Either they stop granting these stupid process patents or the next thing you know, somebody’s gonna get a patent for “the method for ingesting and expelling oxygen in a human body,” and we’ll ALL be paying a royalty, just for breathing.