One of my favorite sayings is “ya dance with the one that brung ya.” I’ve always believed that. Even if you have an opportunity to “trade up” or cut a better deal, when you make a deal, you stick with it.
Throughout my years in business, I’ve found that these words have served me well. And I’ve seen problems – BIG problems crop up when those words were ignored.
Loyalty, you see, is closely tied to honor. Sticking to your word when times are good is no challenge. Much like faith, however, when the going gets tough, you find out who honors commitments – and who doesn’t.
I’ve learned something else, too. Perception is reality. If you believe something to be true, you’ll act according to that believe – facts be damned. A belief system can be a useful tool – after all, it allows us to process information faster, by side-stepping a need to verify every bit of information. For instance, if you’ve ever touched a hot stove, you quickly learn that touching hot things is painful. This becomes part of your belief system. When you see something hot, you automatically filter that information through your belief system and realize, “if I touch this, it will hurt.”
But what happens when a belief system becomes a liability? I’ve seen people rely on belief systems, when they shouldn’t, far too often. Take the case of someone who complains about their spouse to their family. It begins as something simple. Not a big deal. The family member naturally takes the side of their blood kin. If the complaining continues, the family member becomes more supportive, feeding the perception that the complaining spouse is “right.” Soon, you have a couple in the throws of divorce, simply because of a change in perception, fed by an altered belief system.
It’s really sad to see this happen, especially to friends. What’s worse, is that there’s little you can do to stop it. It seems as though the tipping point where you can avert tragedy happens well before the situation comes to a head. By the time you feel as if you need to step in, it’s too late.
If I’ve learned anything from this phenomenon, it’s when things seem to be getting weird, it’s probably time to stop and “check your premises,” as Ayn Rand was fond of saying. Examine your preconceived notions, and try to get a fresh perspective before you do something you’ll regret later, because loyalty is a constant, and honor, once discredited, is all but impossible to restore.
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