Tax the Stupid.

Okay. Stay with me on this one. In America, we tax everything. There’s income tax, sales tax, inheritance tax, and on and on and on. That doesn’t even begin to cover all the hidden taxes – user fees, surcharges, and the like. I, for one, would dearly love to see the entire U.S. tax code scrapped, and either a flat tax (X% of income) or a VAT (value-added tax) to replace all of it. Since I don’t think I’ll see that in my lifetime, I have a modest proposal for an alternative that would generate all the income the government needs, and then some. It’s simple, effective, and likely to be welcomed with open arms by a vast majority of the public.

Tax the stupid.

That’s it. That’s the whole thing. It would work like this: do something stupid, pay the tax. Turn right from a left-hand lane…Stupid Tax: $20. Forget to vote….Stupid Tax: $100. Vote for those who want to raise your taxes…Stupid Tax: $1,000.

Think of it this way…if you’re stupid enough to make stupid mistakes, you’re probably too stupid to realize you’re being taxed. I like this plan. All of us (including your humble correspondent) make the occasional stupid mistake. (My wife would insist that it’s more than occasional with me, but that’s to be expected, I suppose.) The real key to this plan is that it cuts across all socio-political-economic demographics. It is, in fact, fair to everyone BUT the stupid. (And remember, they’re too stupid to realize it.) Think of the advantages…when a rich stupid guy does something stupid (George Sorros springs to mind), he’d pay a Stupid Tax. If the tax rates were keyed to income as well as severity of the mistake, we could have one or two rich guys underwriting the deficit inside a week. Virtually every Hollywood type would either learn to shut they’re yaps or be reduced to poverty within a month.

The brilliance of this plan is that it hinges on enforcement. Do something stupid in your car, and you’d have dozens of concerned citizens writing down your license plate in order to fix your little red wagon, but good. I’ve not worked out the collection angle, but I think this plan has potential. Eliminate the Income Tax! Forget Sales Taxes! Put the burden on the stupid!

Now, we just need some smart politician to adopt this plan as their own.

Um…I think I see the a tiny little flaw in my plan…