Tag Archives: immigration

Terrorism with a Happy (Bureaucratic) Face

U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services

Thank you, please be seated. For those of you who don’t know me, my name is Abby Normale-Pharse, and I’m the Under-Under Secretary of the United States Citizenship and Immigration Service, and I am the bureaucrat in charge of the Bureau of Undocumented, Radicalized Islamic Affairs. I’m very pleased today to announce a new program, that we in the Obama Administration believe will have a dramatic effect on reducing terrorism in this formerly-great nation of ours. We call it, the Terrorist Reintegration and Immigration Program, or “TRIP” for short.  Continue reading Terrorism with a Happy (Bureaucratic) Face

Homeland (In)security.

Living in Texas, I’ve given a lot of thought on the issue of homeland security, especially as it applies to the border. Admittedly, here in the Panhandle, we’re about as far away from the Mexican border as you can be, and still live in the great State of Texas. However, you might be surprised to learn that border security is an issue that has a direct effect on where I live. For instance, while the majority of the population in the Texas Panhandle is Anglo/White/Caucasian (I’m not up on what the P.C. crowd is calling us homies nowadays), the second-largest ethnic group is not Black/Afro-American/Whatever is the P.C. Term, but Hispanic. A surprisingly large percentage of our local population is comprised of those who have entered the company without the benefit of immigration papers. In other words, illegal aliens. (I’m aware the P.C. term is “undocumented workers.” That’s a load of male bovine excrement. If they are from another country and are here without following our immigration laws, they are illegal aliens.

You may have noticed in the news lately, that illegal alien immigration is way down in the past fiscal quarter. I’d love to be able to report that this is due to stepped-up patrols, the long-awaited, controversial border fence, or something we did to directly affect the problem. Nope. It’s because our economy (like the rest of the world’s, mind you) is in the baño right now. (For you gringos, that’s the toilet.) Seems as though all those low-paying jobs that are typically beneath the dignity of us naitive-borns are suddenly looking muy bueno right about now, and the depressed job market has not the siren song call to our Neighbors to the South.

Still, we need border security, to serve both economic security and national security goals. I think I have the answer, and – with appologies to Jonathan Swift – I’d like to share my idea with you.

Annex Mexico. Continue reading Homeland (In)security.