When I was a kid, there was nothing better than an ice-cold bottle of Coke. My sister and I used to get a dollar from my grandmother, and walk about four blocks with my little sister, down to the Pak-a-Sak, and buy two Coca-Colas, two candy bars, and two comic books. I was six. She was four. We were barefoot and unaccompanied. It would have been around 1963. I can still taste that ice cold drink, feel the thick, green glass bottle in my six-year-old hand, condensation dripping onto my bare feet. I didn’t know it then, but this was what Heaven will be like.
As I got older, things changed. Coca-Cola went from pure cane sugar to beet sugar, to high-fructose corn syrup as a sweetener. It was as if “The Real Thing” became the “Surreal Thing,” as I watched in horror. It just didn’t taste the same. Of course, in the 80’s, there was that disastrous attempt to “be like Pepsi,” known to the world as “New Coke.” Didn’t last long. Soon, “Coke Classic” was back on the shelves, and not long after, New Coke became nothing more than a disturbing memory, an aberration, a wrinkle in the soft drink time/space continuum. Eventually, I discovered the joys of Mexican Coke – imported, king-sized bottles of 12-ounce, pure cane-sweetened goodness. Pricey, but it is the taste of my youth. By purchasing Mexican Cokes (when and where I could find them) I actually saw myself drinking fewer soft drinks – a boon for my waistline. (When you hit your sixties, a waist is a terrible thing to mind. But I digress…)
Every year, as a practicing Anglican (Episcopalian for those of you from Yorba Linda), I give up something(s) meaningful for Lent. As in a dozen years past, I gave up Coke and Liberals. For forty days and forty nights, I give up responding to/arguing with Leftists, and I give up drinking Coke and other soft drinks. And every year I lose a little weight and gain a little peace of mind. This year, things were different.
As you may have heard, Coke has gone Woke. Yes, Always Coca-Cola has bent the knee to the Woke mob, and come out swinging against a voter ID law that Coke’s CEO admitted he’d not read. In fact, he knew nothing about it, other than the fact that the Woke crowd hated it. He (wrongly) assumed that the law was designed to disenfranchise minority voters. So they took a stand against it. To add insult to injury, they then participated in a roundtable discussion with 99 other, similarly craven CEOs of major companies, to see how they might all pile on Georgia and other states who dare to tighten voting laws to prevent fraud. Nice, huh? Of course, these asshats don’t bother to actually read the laws in question. They just want to throw their corporate weights around, like good like oligarchs.
Did you hear what Coca-Cola’s internal “sensitivity” training asks of employees? I’m not making this up – they want people to “Be less White.” Huh. I don’t know how to ‘be less white,’ but I sure as Hell know how to drink less Coke. So my 40 day/night Lenten practice of giving up Coke has now turned into a permanent, personal jihad. I don’t buy Coke. I don’t buy Sprite, Fanta, Mr. Pibb, or any of the other family of products owned by Coca-Cola. They don’t need my money, and I don’t need their products. I ate at a very nice restaurant last night, and they have their own, private-label colas – made with pure cane sugar. I was very happy to have a guilt-free, woke-free beverage for dinner, and avoid fully the Cause that Depresses.
Of course, Coke is now furiously back-pedaling on the Woke Joke, sounding for all the while like Reginald Denny (“Why can’t we all just get along?”) Sorry Coke. Too little, too late. When you back the Hell off from you and your CEO buddies from trying to tell Georgia, Texas, and other states how to rule, I might…MIGHT consider spending my cash on your flavored sugar water. Until then, go screw yourselves.