Terrorism with a Happy (Bureaucratic) Face

U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services

Thank you, please be seated. For those of you who don’t know me, my name is Abby Normale-Pharse, and I’m the Under-Under Secretary of the United States Citizenship and Immigration Service, and I am the bureaucrat in charge of the Bureau of Undocumented, Radicalized Islamic Affairs. I’m very pleased today to announce a new program, that we in the Obama Administration believe will have a dramatic effect on reducing terrorism in this formerly-great nation of ours. We call it, the Terrorist Reintegration and Immigration Program, or “TRIP” for short.  Continue reading Terrorism with a Happy (Bureaucratic) Face

Flavor of the Month.

Something weird is going on. I can feel it. But I can’t really figure out exactly what…or why. I’m not a big “conspiracy guy.” I’m a believer in Occam’s Razor, and I think it’s nuts to see a conspiracy behind every tree and under every rock. Still, there is something weird happening, and I’d like to know what is the deal, here. I am speaking, of course, about the selection of flavors found in over the counter medicines and oral care products. Here’s what I mean… Continue reading Flavor of the Month.

Independence.

It’s Independence Day. Coincidentally, that’s my favorite holiday, both because I’ve always been a fan of patriotism, and because it’s so close to my own birthday. But I’d argue that Independence Day is the most important non-religious holiday on the American calendar. And unfortunately, it’s the one that is the most at-risk from those who would like to either abolish it, or turn it into something meaningless. Allow me to explain… Continue reading Independence.